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Title: Red Paintings on a Porcelain Canvas
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: Highschool AU, angst, romance
Pairings: Mainly Dean/Castiel but includes many others. Much slash but no incest
Rating: NC17
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own these characters although I wish I did because I love them so dearly.
Warnings: slash, underage, adult content, language, self harm, eating disorders, abuse, mental illness (if you're easily triggered please don't read <3)
Summary: This is a High School AU Dean/Castiel fic. Castiel Novak and his family are new to Lawrence, Kansas and Dean Winchester finds himself drawn to Castiel. Cas and Dean become each other's first real friends, but Dean discovers that Cas has some unsettling secrets.
A/N: This is probably going to be incredibly long as I have so many more ideas that I want to include! This is my first fanfic so please don't judge but I would love constructive criticism and any sort of feedback at all really.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

A/N: Hey, lovely readers! Sorry the update took so long! As always, thank you so much for all of your lovely, kind, and wonderful comments on this story so far. You guys are the bomb. <3

"Oh my god, I cannot believe I died AGAIN," Sam groaned as his character in Super Mario Smash Brothers fell off the stage for the third time in the span of a minute.

"That's cause you suck, Sammy," Dean responded gleefully as his character kicked Benny's off the stage. Benny groaned.

"Actually it's probably more likely that it's because Sam picked a crappy character," Garth pointed out.

"Yeah," Benny smirked. "I mean seriously, Sam? Peach?"

"Hey," Sam defended. "Just because she's a chick doesn't mean she's not badass."

"She doesn't suck because she's a chick, Sam. She sucks because she has zero fighting ability," Dean said as his character (Pit) flung Garth's character off the stage.

"Man, how come you always get to be Pit?" Garth pouted. "Pit's totally the best character."

"Because I'm awesome," Dean replied with a smirk.

"Dude, I'm starving," Benny said as they turned the game off.

"Me too," Dean agreed. He then walked into the other room where his dad was watching tv. "Dad, can we order a pizza? We're hungry."

"Sure, kiddo. As long as your brother the health freak doesn't get his panties in a twist about it."

"I heard that!" Sam said indignantly, appearing behind Dean along with Garth and Benny.

Dean chuckled and exchanged a smirk with Benny while he asked his friends what pizza they liked.

"Hello?" Sam said as his phone rang and he quickly answered. "Gabe? What's wrong? Wait, WHAT? Oh my GOD! Is he okay? Holy SHIT. Was he trying to... oh my god... where are you guys? How is he? Would he want to... you think he'd be okay with that? Okay. We're coming then. We have some friends with us but they're cool. Yeah, I'll see you in a few."

Sam hung up, his hands shaking.

"Dude, what was that?" Dean asked, panicked. "That was Gabe? Was it about Cas? Is Cas okay? Sam!"

"Cas is at the hospital, Dean," Sam said anxiously.

"What, why?" Dean sputtered. "Is he okay? What happened? Sam, answer!"

"Dean..." Sam swallowed nervously. "He's fine now, luckily. But he... he was in a car wreck. He tried to kill himself, Dean."

"SHIT," Dean exclaimed. He kicked the couch and wiped his hand over his face. "Okay, we're going. I don't care if he's mad at me, we're going to the hospital."

"I know," Sam said. "Dean, it's gonna be okay, at least he's not hurt."

Dean nodded and blinked repeatedly.

"Dean," Garth said soothingly, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Try to stay calm. Cas is going to need you to be calm. Benny and I will come with you to the hospital, okay? We'll be there for you." Benny nodded encouragingly behind Garth.

"Come on, boys," John said, putting an encouraging hand on Dean's other shoulder. "I'll drive."

They drove to the hospital in silence, Dean fidgeting nervously in the backseat between Benny and Garth. Gabriel was waiting for them in the lobby when they entered the hospital and he rushed over to them immediately.

"Sam!" he called, running over. "He's up on the fifth floor, I can take you guys to him. Michael got them to allow visitors and I told Cas you were coming."

"What did he say?" Dean asked nervously.

"He just said 'whatever'," Gabriel answered. "I don't think he really believed me..."

Dean anxiously rubbed his hand over his face again. Gabe led them toward the elevator.

"Who are you two?" Gabriel asked Benny and Garth rudely while they were traveling up in the elevator.

"This is Benny and Garth," Sam answered. "They're our friends. They're really cool."

Gabe nodded and shot them a half-hearted smile. When they arrived on the fifth floor, Dean flew out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. Gabriel directed them down the hall to Castiel's room.

Dean stopped abruptly before going in. He fidgeted anxiously. In an uncharacteristic show of kindness, Gabriel laid an encouraging hand on Dean's shoulder.

"I'll let him know you're here," Gabe said quietly.

Dean nodded and swallowed nervously. Now that he was here, he was scared to death. He was sure Cas hated him now and would yell at him and tell him to leave because this was all his fault.

Before he had time to talk himself into leaving, Gabe exited the room followed by Michael and Anna. The three Novaks gave Dean an encouraging smile before Gabe practically shoved him into the room.

As soon as Dean walked in, he silently thanked whatever God was out there that Cas had come out of the accident basically unscathed. He had a couple of bruises and minor scrapes, but all in all he looked okay. What was more worrying were the cuts all over his arms that Dean could tell were self-inflicted. When his gaze travelled up to Cas's face, he was met with a glare from Cas's blue eyes.

Dean shifted awkwardly. "Hey."

"Dean," Cas replied.

"You okay?" Dean asked stupidly.

"Just awesome," Cas rolled his eyes. "Why are you here?"

"Because you're my best friend, Cas. As soon as I heard, I came."

"Best friends don't do what you did to me, Dean," Cas said, looking away angrily.

"I know," Dean replied quietly. "I'm really sorry, Cas. I'm really really really really REALLY sorry."

"Anna told me, you know," Cas said. "About you two."

"Yeah?" Dean asked awkwardly.

Cas nodded. "She said it wasn't your fault, though. She said she knew you cared about me."

"I do, Cas," Dean said earnestly, rushing forward and standing right by Cas's bed.

"Maybe," Cas said, still not looking at him. "You're a dick, though."

Dean winced but nodded. "Yeah. I really am, man. But I... I miss you, Cas."


"You're the best friend I've ever had, Cas. I've never met anyone like you before. You're smart, you're funny, you're nice, you're weird, you're awesome, you keep me entertained, you help me with my homework, you do dumb shit with me, you're gorgeous, you-"

"Stop, Dean," Cas said, looking at Dean with a pained expression. "If you really thought all of that, you wouldn't have hurt me like you did. That wasn't okay, Dean."

Dean bit his lip. "I know, Cas. I know. And I wish I could take it back. I really wish I could. I don't deserve a friend like you. I know that. I'm a shitty person. A really shitty person. But, Cas, I still really like you. I haven't stopped thinking about you and when I heard you... when I heard you were here, you don't know what it did to me, man. Please. Give me another chance? I know I don't deserve it. I know. But please? I'll make it up to you. I swear. Please?"

Cas finally met his eyes. "You're still a dick, Dean."

"Is that a yes?" Dean asked hopefully.

"It's a kind of," Cas replied. "I've missed you too, Dean. But you really fucking hurt me. So we can be friends again. But nothing more. I'm not gonna let you hurt me like that again, Dean."

Dean grimaced. Then he forced a smile onto his face. "I'll take it," he said, plopping down next to Cas on the bed. "So, dude, you gotta meet my new friends."

"New friends?" Cas asked. "You have friends now? Who would want to be friends with you?"

Dean angrily poked him. "Very funny. I'm actually quite a delight to be around, thank you very much. Their names are Garth and Benny. They're both in our class."

"Garth Fitzgerald and Benny Lafitte? Yeah I've heard of both of them."

"Well, they're right outside, wanna meet 'em?"

Cas paled. "You brought them here? Do they know why I'm here? Dean, I'm... look at my arms."

"Cas," Dean said, nudging his shoulder reassuringly. "They're really great. They won't care. They were hanging with me when we found out and they came along for moral support. They both have super high opinions of you from what me and Sam have told them. They won't care about the cuts, Cas, I promise. They're both great, really. You'll love 'em."

Cas nodded uncertainly and Dean went to go get his other besties. He briefly whispered an update to them before ushering them in and resuming his position next to Cas.

"Hi, Cas!" Garth said excitedly, plopping down on Cas's other side. "I'm Garth! We've never met but we're going to be BFFs, I can just feel it! This is Benny. You'll like him. He and I are Dean's besties just like you."

Cas gave Dean the most confused look Dean had ever seen and Dean couldn't help cracking up.

"Yeah, so that's Garth," Dean said helpfully.

"And I'm Benny," Benny said with an easy smile. "I'm glad you're okay, man, we were worried."

"Thanks," Cas said shyly. "You wanna sit? Everyone else is, and standing can't be fun what with the crutches and all."

"Thanks," Benny smiled, lowering himself onto the bed with everyone else.

"This is SO exciting!" Garth said, bouncing. "I've never had any friends before this month and now I have THREE! Well, four if you include Sam, which I totally do."

Cas stared at Garth, intrigued, as he babbled and Dean exchanged a grin with Benny. The remaining Novaks and Winchesters came in as Garth was going on about all the fun the four of them would have "fucking shit up all over town yo".

"Mr. Winchester! Sam! Hey," Cas said with a smile.

Sam plopped down on the bed with the rest of them, pushing Dean out of the way so he could hug Cas. "Hey, Cas. I've missed you!"

"Me too, Sam," Cas smiled, hugging Sam back.

"Hey, kiddo," John said, coming up and ruffling Cas's hair. "Glad you're okay. I've missed you around here too. No one else will watch Jeopardy with me."

Cas grinned. "I've missed you too, Mr. Winchester. No one at my house will watch Jeopardy with me either."

Michael smiled. "So, Cas, I just talked with the doctor and... um..." he looked pointedly at how full the room was, looking questioningly at Garth and Benny.

"It's okay, they can stay," Cas said. "Whatever you're about to say, they'll hear about it anyway. Apparently we're all best friends now and I've been informed that best friends tell each other everything."

Dean and Benny smirked while Garth nodded earnestly.

Michael quirked an eyebrow. "Okay... well, um, the doctor said physically you're fine but, uh, in light of your history and this being your second suicide attempt this year and, you know, your cutting and eating thing... well, he said they have to transfer you over to the psychiatric hospital. He assured me they have a really great adolescent unit over there. And, hey, don't worry. It will only be for a week, at most, and it's just to make sure you're gonna be okay," Michael said gently.

Cas's eyes widened. "You're sending me to a mental hospital?" he asked with a note of hysteria in his voice.

"Cas, it's not a mental hospital. Not really," Michael said encouragingly. "The doctor said the teens there are all there temporarily and it's just a place for depressed or anxious kids to get back on their feet, ya know? And we'll visit you all the time and it will only be for a few days. Everyone's just really worried about you, Cas, ya know?"

"It's really not so bad, I've been there before, actually," Garth said. Everyone turned to look at him in mild surprise. "Yeah, my freshman year I had really bad anxiety and I couldn't go to school without panic attacks and so they sent me there and the doctors helped and I got medication that worked. It really wasn't so bad at all, Cas." Garth said, nodding at Cas encouragingly.

Dean shot Garth a grateful look and nudged Cas's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Cas. We'll come see you all the time til you get out and maybe they'll find medication that helps you too."

Cas looked skeptical. "I don't want to be treated like I'm crazy," he said firmly. "But I don't really get a choice, do I?" he looked up at Michael.

Michael winced apologetically. "Sorry. You're a minor so it's policy. I think it could be a good thing, though. And, Cas, I've been so worried. If this might help, will you please give it a chance for me?"

"And," Gabriel said, speaking up for the first time since they came into the room. "No one is gonna treat you like you're crazy. Out of all the people in this room, you're definitely one of the most sane. You're loads saner than me. Dean here has anger issues that make your depression seem non-existent. Sam doesn't like junk food so you know he's batshit crazy. I only just met Garth but Sam tells me he has a sock puppet so, you know. I don't really know Benny but if he hangs out with these loons, there must be something wrong with him. Mr. Winchester raised Sam and Dean and seeing how they turned out, you know something must be wrong upstairs with him. Michael punched Dad that one time so he's definitely unpredictably wacko and Anna likes Kesha so she's probably the craziest of us all."

Everyone in the room smirked and nodded reluctantly at Gabe's assessment and Cas relaxed a bit. "Alright. When do I have to go?"

"You can spend the night here, but you'll be transferred tomorrow," Michael answered.

Cas nodded. "Can someone stay with me?"

"I dunno," Michael said. "I'll ask, k? Who do you want with you?"

Cas looked at Dean inquiringly and Dean felt his heart speed up and his mind flood with relief. After all this, Cas still relied on him and still wanted him close. Dean nodded reassuringly at him.

"Dean, if it's okay," Cas said to Michael.

Michael looked at John who shrugged. "Alright, I'll see what I can do," Michael said before smiling at his little brother and leaving to find the doctor, John with him.

"You guys can still spend the night at our house if Dean ends up staying here," Sam said to Garth and Benny. "Gabe, you can come over too. We could probably all use the company."

"Thanks," Benny said gratefully and Garth grinned.

"You're the best, Sam," Garth exclaimed. Gabe rolled his eyes.

"I'm intrigued by your new friends so I'll totally take you up on that," Gabriel smirked. Sam beamed.

"Hey, can you guys not tell anyone at school about this?" Cas asked.

"Dude, of course we won't," Dean said. Sam, Gabe, Benny, and Garth all nodded in agreement.

"People have been asking what's going on with you, though," Gabe said. "And they'll keep asking. What do you want us to say?"

"I can start any rumor you want and make sure it gets around!" Garth said helpfully.

"Tell everyone he had mono," Benny suggested. "It lasts a while and it's contagious so he wouldn't be allowed to go to school or anything so it's believable."

Cas nodded. "Yeah, sounds good. Spread that around, Garth."

Garth saluted. "My pleasure."

"Isn't mono the kissing disease?" Sam asked.

"People are gonna be wondering who you've been kissing, Cas," Gabe smirked. "Everyone will probably assume it's Dean."

Cas blushed and looked away.

Dean shrugged. "They can assume whatever they want."

Cas smiled and then he spotted Anna hanging around by the window by herself. "Hey, Anna?" he called. "Sit over here with the rest of us? You know I'm not mad at you, right?"

Anna smiled gratefully. "Sure," she said. She then flung herself onto the bed in between Gabe and Benny. "I'm really glad you're okay, Cas," she said earnestly, squeezing her brother's knee.

"I know, Anna," Cas replied, smiling back at her.

"So, Anna," Dean said. "How's that crush on the girl in your class going?"

Anna blushed. Gabe wheeled around to face her. "You have a crush on a girl in your class and you didn't tell me? Anna! I thought we were friends," Gabriel pouted.

"Her name's Charlie," Anna said quietly. "We've been hanging out some but I dunno if she's into me... I don't even know if she's a lesbian."

"Charlie Bradbury?" Garth asked. "I can totally find out for you. You two would be such a cute couple!" Garth gushed excitedly.

Anna smiled. "Could you? You're the best, Garth!"

"I know," Garth said.

Benny rolled his eyes. "You guys are such girls. At least Anna has an excuse. I mean, she is a girl. But the rest of you... gossiping like a bunch of old ladies."

"What about you, Benny?" Sam pried. "Got your eye on anyone?"

Six pairs of eyes turned curiously to Benny and he blushed. "Maybe."

"Benny!" Garth exclaimed. "How could you not tell me! Come on, spill!"

Dean smirked. He and Benny had already talked about this.

"Her name's Tessa," Benny said, blushing.

"Oh, I know her!" Cas said. "She's in my piano class. She's really good. She's nice too."

"Ah, so she's a musician," Anna nodded approvingly. "That's hot."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Okay, yeah, enough about my love life," Benny said, embarrassed. "What about you, Garth?"

"Oh, I'm totally smitten with my theatre costar, Pamela Barnes," Garth said seriously.

"DUDE," Gabe said excitedly. "I can totally hook you up, man, she's in my class. She's awesome, too, good choice."

Dean smiled. He surreptitiously looked over at Cas and saw that he was smiling too. Dean could get used to having all his friends here, like this. Even Gabe, who he had to admit was growing on him, and Anna, whose presence wasn't really awkward at all, considering.

Michael and John reentered the room followed by a doctor.

"Hey," Michael said, smirking at the crowded bed. "Dean can stay the night with you and you'll be checked in on regularly just to be safe because they want to monitor you or whatever. Visiting hours are technically over so we all have to head out, but call if you need anything tonight, k?"

Michael reached over to ruffle his little brother's hair and he motioned for Gabe and Anna to follow him.

"Gabe's gonna come back to our place with me, Benny, and Garth, if that's okay?" Sam said, glancing at his dad and Michael.

"Sure," they both said. Gabe and Sam grinned and then everyone said bye to Cas before heading out.

The doctor then moved in with some sort of medical machine and smiled at Cas. "Hey, you feeling better?" he asked.

"Yes, actually," Cas said, returning his smile. "This is my friend, Dean."

Dean waved.

"I heard," the doctor said. "Hey, Dean. You gonna be good sharing the bed in here tonight?"

Dean nodded.

"Cool," the doctor said. "Okay, Cas, I just need to check your vitals again, then I'll let you guys go to sleep."

After the doctor took his temperature and blood pressure, he said goodnight and left, scrawling something onto his clipboard.

"Thanks for staying with me, Dean," Cas said, turning to look at Dean.

"Of course, man," Dean replied. "I wouldn't ditch ya."

Cas smiled. "I really have missed you, Dean."

"Me too," Dean said quietly. "Cas, why did you do this? If you had died, I... Cas, you don't know what that would have done to me. You're like... you don't know how much you mean to me, ya know? I don't think I ever would have gotten over it."

"I'm sorry," Cas said. "I didn't know. I won't do it again."

"Promise?" Dean asked, looking at Cas earnestly.


Dean nodded, satisfied, then laid down on his back to look at the ceiling. Cas followed suit. "You know," Dean said, "Garth and Benny are awesome but they're not you. You know what I've missed?"

"What?" Cas smirked.

"Showing you my drawings. And seeing yours."

Cas smiled. "I've missed that too."

"You should draw me stuff while you're in the hospital," Dean suggested.

"Only if you draw me stuff to give me when you visit me in the hospital."

"Deal," Dean grinned.

Cas smiled and linked their fingers together. "Let's go to sleep. I'm tired."

"Sure. Night, Cas."

"Night, Dean," Cas said. He looked at Dean hesitantly for a second, then leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He retreated with a shy smile then turned over and shut his eyes.

Dean was grinning as he drifted off to sleep.



Castiel groaned and shoved a pillow in his face.


“Dean,” Castiel muttered exasperatedly. “It is entirely too early for you to be screeching showtunes at me.”

“Dude,” Dean said. “It is never too early for Singin in The Rain. Come on, man, wake up. I’m bored and lonely.”

“And annoying,” Castiel added, glaring at his friend.

Dean pouted. “I’m not annoying. I’m friggin adorable.”

“Not at this ungodly hour you’re not.”

“Bite me.”

Castiel found himself smiling in spite of himself. Oh, how he had missed Dean Winchester.

Castiel hadn’t forgiven him yet. Far from it. He was still deeply hurt and looking at Dean was still kind of painful if he let himself remember what had happened. But he knew he was never going to get over Dean. He loved him. How could he not? And it looked like Dean was really sorry and like he was really going to try this time. So Castiel was going to give him another chance.

Castiel groaned as he sat up and stretched. “What time is it?”

“6:30,” Dean said cheerily, grinning at him.

“6:30?!” Castiel responded, eyebrows bouncing up. “Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you. I was bored. I couldn’t sleep.” Then Dean tried to pull the puppy dog face.

Castiel laughed at him.

“Dean, you suck at the puppy dog face. Leave it to Sam and me. We’re the experts in that field.”

Dean then proceeded to flip Castiel off. Castiel grinned.

Maybe things really would work out. Castiel hoped so.


John Winchester sighed as he dropped the kids off at his house and leaned back in his seat. What a day.

He trusted Sam to hold down the fort and not let anything too crazy go down, so he left the boys at home while he went to the bar.

He just needed to turn his brain off because he was turning into one of the parents on those obnoxious teenage dramas. Like Secret Life of the American Teenager or whatever. Not that he’d ever watched that show before.

Okay maybe him and Dean had watched an episode or two when it came on one day but really it was intriguing and they had really wanted to know why that chick was dating that one guy when the other guy was the one who got her pregnant.


John pulled into the parking lot of The Roadhouse, the town’s local bar. John really hadn’t been there in a while, but he remembered thinking the place was pretty nice.

He walked in and felt himself sigh again as he sat on one of the stools at the bar. The bartender, a pretty brunette who was about his age, came up to him and winced sympathetically.

“Hey, there,” she said with a thick southern accent. “Rough day?’

John snorted. “Rough month.”

“I know the feeling. Well, what can I get ya?”

“Just some beer please,” John said, smiling at her.

“Comin right up,” the bartender said, returning the smile.

John drummed his fingers on the counter, humming some Rolling Stones to himself while he waited.

“Thanks,” he said when the bartender returned with his beer. “I’m John, by the way.”

“I’m Ellen,” the bartender replied. “This here is my bar.”

“You own this place?” John asked, impressed.

“Sure do,” Ellen said, smiling proudly. “What do you do?”

“I run an auto shop,” John said. “I’m a mechanic.”

“That’s handy,” Ellen replied. “So, what’s got you all worn out this evening?”

John sighed and chuckled. “It’s a long story that probably belongs on ABC Family or something. You probably don’t wanna hear it.”

Ellen laughed. “Well, I don’t have anything better to do. Light night. So spill, John.”

“Well it starts with my oldest son having a sexuality crisis,” John began.

John then proceeded to tell Ellen the whole story of his two boys and Cas and the Novaks. Then he got to Garth and Benny and Ellen laughed heartily at his description of Garth. Then he recounted the events of the evening and Ellen sighed sadly.

“Poor Cas,” she said, wincing sympathetically. “You think he’s gonna be okay?”

“I really hope so,” John replied, looking down at his beer. “He’s like a son to me. What about you, you got any kids?”

“Sure do,” Ellen said, smiling again. “I got a son named Ash and a daughter named Joanna Beth, although she insists on going by ‘Jo’. Ash is a senior in high school and Jo is a junior. They’re good kids. Don’t have a daddy, though. He died when they were young.”

John made a sympathetic noise. “Same with Sam and Dean’s mom. She died in a fire when Sammy was just six months old.”

“Bill was a cop. He died on the job. Ash was five and Jo was four,” Ellen said sadly.

“I’m sorry,” John said, touching her arm.

“Me too,” Ellen returned, with a smile.

“So,” John said, swallowing nervously. It had been quite a while since he’d done this. “You got a boyfriend, Ellen?”

“What’s it to ya?” Ellen smirked.

Dammit. She was gonna make this hard for him.

John pasted on his most charming smile. “Well, if the position is open, I know someone who might like to fill it.”

Ellen leaned forward smiling. “Yeah? Who might that be?”

John leaned forward too. “Just this guy I know. He’s a mechanic. Real charming. Dashing smile. I think you’d like him.”

Ellen laughed. “Maybe I would.” She then pulled a pen and a napkin out of her apron pocket. “Why don’t you tell your friend, the charming mechanic, to give me a call so we can find out,” she said, scrawling her number down and handing it to John.

John winked. “I’ll do that.”

Ellen smirked and turned to deal with another customer.

John grinned. Yup, he’s still got it.

Winchester swag.

A/N: Don't forget - if you comment I will love you forever and ever and ever and ever <3
Title: We're Stuck Inside this Salted Earth Together
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: end!verse, romance, angst
Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Dean/OC, Castiel/OC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 17,769
Disclaimer: I sadly own neither these characters or their universe
Warnings: slash, angst, drug use, major character death, general sadness, language, sex, rape, non-con
Spoilers: up to season 5 episode 4
Summary: This is the story of how Dean and Castiel became the characters we see in "The End." Only this time, no 2009!Dean shows up. This is their future and their present. They are stuck with it. This is the story of Dean and Cas's final years on a dying planet. It's a sad, end of the world love story.
A/N: This was supposed to be short, but alas, that is no longer the case. :P please please comment because I live for feedback! This verse will end up being three parts total.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3

A/N: Here's the final part! Which officially makes this my first completed fic. :) warning - THE ENDING IS NOT HAPPY OKAY

January 26, 2014

Castiel was finally able to walk again and he could finally take that godforsaken cast off of his ankle, so as far as the end of times went, today was a good day.

He planned to celebrate it by getting incredibly wasted and having an epically large orgy.

So basically the usual.

He hadn't had a proper fuck in months and the need he felt for sex was astounding. He had received a fair amount of blow jobs while on bed rest, but it just wasn't the same when you had to sit still for fear of crying out in pain due to your godforsaken broken ankle.

Then there was the matter of Dean.

Dean, who had changed his bandages daily. Dean, who had snuck him extra food even though they were running low on supplies. Dean, who had come into his cabin a couple nights a week with a bottle of alcohol to "make the pain go away." Dean, who had risked his own fucking life two months ago to save a fallen angel who was essentially worthless and Dean who had held him close all the way home because he was Dean and he knew that Castiel needed him.

But this Dean was also the same Dean who would glare every time a young, bright face walked into the cabin asking to see Castiel because Dean knew what they were really there for and boy was he judging them for it. This Dean, who after getting drunk with Castiel would call him a whore and inform him just how much he'd fucked up his life. This Dean, who Castiel knew regretted his decision to save the angel because really, who wouldn't?

Castiel was useless.

So, yeah, he wanted a fucking distraction from Dean Winchester because it really hurts to be in love with someone who is disgusted by your very existence.

The only reason Castiel didn't just end it all was because he was scared of what would happen to him when he died. He was sure he wouldn't be welcomed back into Heaven and Hell didn't seem a very appealing alternative. And there was always the possibility that he might still end up wherever angels go when they die, and he still had no fucking idea where that was.

So all things considered, his miserable existence here was better than what would happen if he ended his miserable existence.

So he stayed.

Castiel was planning on visiting a few of his regulars and proposing an orgy for the afternoon. He knew they'd say yes. He wanted word to get around about this, so he figured he'd invite as many people as possible that would come.

He wanted Dean to hear about it.

He wanted Dean to get jealous, even though he knew that would never happen.

At the very least he maybe wanted to rub what he'd become in Dean's face - maybe garner a little bit of pity from the man.

He just wanted Dean to notice him.

But Dean probably wouldn't. He'd been sleeping fairly regularly with Risa. Apparently they had some sort of connection.

Whatever, Dean can have whoever he wants. It's none of Castiel's business. So Castiel will just have sex with everyone else at Camp Chitaqua since Dean's claimed Risa for himself. No biggie.


So Castiel knocked on Alex's door, and Amy's and Crystal's and John's and Lily's and Nathan's and Rebecca's and Carter's and Peter's and Hannah's and even Chuck's (because apparently Chuck was into sex as a distraction technique now. Well awesome, welcome to the club then, Chuck) and they all happily agreed to come to Castiel's orgy because why the hell not?

On Castiel's way back to his cabin, he saw Dean talking to Risa outside of her cabin. Dean saw him too and they made eye contact, refusing to break the stare because that's what they always did. It's what they had always done.

Castiel knew that Dean probably hadn't heard about Castiel's plans for the day, nor would he care if he did hear, but Castiel pretended, just for the heck of it, as he walked past Dean, that Dean was jealous and that Dean wanted him.

How pathetic, really. He used to be a warrior of God and now he hosted goddamn orgies because he fell in love with and gave everything for the one fucking human who refused to love him back.

How fucking pathetic.

The orgy happened later that afternoon and of course it was mind-blowing because Castiel hosted it, so duh. Castiel just wasn't in a pleasant mood at all afterwards, though, so he sent everyone back to their own cabins instead of letting them laze around together in post-coital bliss for a while like they usually did.

He didn't even feel like going outside and getting fresh air. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. He didn't feel like having anymore meaningless sex with cute, young girls or curious, smirking boys. He just wanted to stop feeling.

He grabbed a bottle of alcohol from under his bed and popped a handful of pills before slinking over to the corner of his cabin and curling into a ball on the floor there.

He quietly sat there and nursed his alcohol, letting his thoughts fly around his head.

He let himself wonder what he would be doing now if he had never fallen in love with Dean Winchester. If he had simply followed orders and left him alone after pulling him from perdition.

He would probably be in Heaven with his brothers and sisters, peering down judgmentally at the fuck up that humanity had caused.

He would never know what it felt like to lose his wings and become addicted to sex, alcohol, drugs. He would never know what it felt like to be violated, taken advantage of.

He would never know what it felt like to watch the man he loved grow more and more disgusted with him day by day.

He would never know what it was like to be in love.

Castiel closed his eyes and tried to imagine not being in love with Dean Winchester. He couldn't.

He chuckled humorlessly to himself. He guessed it was inevitable, him falling for Dean. Just like the apocalypse was inevitable. Just like Sam saying yes was inevitable. Just like them ending up here exactly how they were was always fucking inevitable.

Free will. Ha. No such thing. Just another pretty fucking fantasy that Dean had made him believe in. Just another dream that would never come true. Just like Dean himself, really.

Night was falling now and Castiel could feel the darkness around him more than see it. He felt the darkness crawling through his pores and making a home in his heart and in his mind. Because that's all everything was now - just darkness. No one had any light inside them. Not anymore.

That's what happens at the end of times, you know.


Castiel heard someone fighting through the darkness, calling his name. He smiled because he knew it was a hallucination brought on by the drugs. He knew it wasn't real because the voice was definitely Dean's.

Dean wouldn't be caught dead coming to Castiel's cabin.


There it was again, that beautiful voice, but closer this time.

Castiel opened his eyes and saw Dean standing in his cabin, holding his own bottle of alcohol, looking uncertainly at Castiel.

"You're a pretty hallucination," Castiel heard himself say, smiling. "Come here."

The Dean hallucination smiled bemusedly and slowly inched forward crouching in front of Castiel when he got close.

Castiel sighed contentedly and ran his fingers through the imaginary Dean's hair. "So lovely," he murmured.

"I'm not a hallucination, Cas," Dean said, words slurring together.

Castiel frowned at him. He certainly looked real. Well if he was real, he was clearly drunk. But he was smiling. Usually Dean was a surly drunk.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Dean whispered.

Castiel nodded, not letting go of Dean's hair.

Dean leaned in closer.

"I stole a bunch of your drugs earlier and I dunno what they were but I took them and now I'm high and drunk just like you," Dean whispered, smirking.

His face was so close to Castiel's and at this point Castiel was sure this was real. He had enough experience with his drugs to be able to tell. And Dean's drugs explained Dean's mood. So everything made sense.

Except for why Dean was in his cabin.

"Why are you in my cabin, Dean?" Castiel asked, running his thumb along Dean's cheek. "You never come to my cabin."

"I wanted to," Dean replied, breathing alcohol-soaked breath into Castiel's nose.


Dean's face twisted into a cocky smirk. "Wanted to see what it was like, you know? What's it like to fuck Camp Chitaqua's finest whore? Wanna see if you live up to your reputation."

Castiel swallowed. Of course he did. Dean Winchester had a way of kicking him when he was already down in a way that nobody else could. Hell, no one else had the power to even affect his feelings in the slightest these days. Not really.

But Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester always could.

Castiel should be yelling at Dean to get out because he doesn't need this fucking abuse. He can have whoever he wants in his bed, thank you very much. He doesn't need Dean fucking Winchester.

Except that he does.

So instead of kicking Dean's wasted ass out of his cabin, Castiel leaned in and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, straddling his hips. "Do you know how many people I've fucked, Dean?" Castiel whispered, grinding his pelvis against Dean's.

Dean groaned then shut his eyes and shook his head.

"I've fucked 38 people, Dean," Castiel breathed, his breath ghosting over Dean's ear while his fingers threaded through Dean's hair slowly, lovingly. "I've fucked 21 women and 17 men. Do you know that's 82.6% of our camp's population, Dean?"

Dean opened his eyes and pressed his forehead to Castiel's, pressing their whole bodies closer together. "How many times have you had sex, Cas?" he slurred.

Castiel smiled and gazed into Dean's eyes. "83 times," he answered.

"Do you want to make it 84?"

Castiel didn't dignify that with an answer. He simply kissed Dean instead.

It didn't really matter to Castiel that they were both wasted beyond belief and Dean probably wouldn't even remember this later. It didn't really matter that Dean didn't actually want this and was just acting on some strange curious impulse.

Castiel had wanted this for years and he never thought he could have it and now that he was getting it, he was going to savor it, dammit, no matter what the circumstances.

Castiel remembered that one time Dean had kissed him, not even a year ago, but also life times ago. It had been his first kiss but it had ended too soon and that same day he had also given his first blowjob. The kiss was good but the fallout was bad and it led to the blowjob which was real fucking bad and that led to a slutty, drugged up Castiel.

And that led him here.

This kiss was nothing like their first kiss. Dean had been sweet then, gentle. He had been sober. Castiel had been sober. Hell, that was the last day Castiel was ever sober. Ever since that evening, he'd been in a constant state of wasted.

Dean had been hopeful back then. Castiel had been hopeful back then. They were still good to each other back then. The world was just a bit warmer back then. Castiel had been innocent back then.

Castiel was not innocent anymore.

Castiel was broken beyond repair and Dean was maybe even worse then that. Dean might not even have anything left to BE broken anymore. Hope had left them both ages ago and neither of them had anything to even live for anymore. Nothing to believe in. Not anymore. They were both wasted and cynical and anything but gentle this time around.

They both reeked of alcohol and sex, but that was okay because they were both drunken sluts anyway. It was the end of the world, so why the fuck not be a drunken slut, right?

Castiel clung to Dean on the floor of his cabin harder than he'd clung to anything in his life. He shoved his tongue past Dean's lips and tried to taste and memorize every facet of Dean's mouth. He was delighted to feel Dean clinging to him just as tightly and probing Castiel's mouth with his tongue just as forcefully. Their hips were rocking together in perfect rhythm and fuck if this wasn't the best Castiel had felt in ages.

He pushed Dean onto his back and was pleasantly surprised that Dean let him. He smiled against Dean's skin and started sucking and biting at his neck. He wanted to leave a mark - a huge fucking mark - make sure everyone knew exactly where Dean had been tonight.

Seeing Dean come entirely undone beneath him and hearing him moan Castiel's name would never get old, but Castiel was painfully hard by now and they really needed to get this show on the road before he ruined everything by coming in his pants.

Castiel pressed a quick line of kisses from Dean's neck to his lips, caressing Dean's bottom lip with his tongue before sitting up, still straddling Dean, and pulling his own shirt over his head.

He didn't miss how Dean's lust-blown eyes raked over his naked upper-body and he smirked as he pulled Dean up to meet him and slowly discarded Dean of his shirt as well.

He thought about bringing them over to the bed at this point, but he decided against it because there was something beautifully desperate about having each other like this, on the floor, when there was a bed literally three steps away. Like they needed it so badly they didn't even have time for three steps. Like they needed each other so badly that nothing else mattered other than the fact that they were wrapped safe in each other's arms.

So Castiel pushed Dean back against the floor and took his time exploring Dean's chest and stomach with his fingers, mouth, tongue, lips, eyes... he wanted every part of him on Dean. He bit and sucked and licked at Dean's nipples, making Dean tremble and moan. He trailed soft kisses and ghosted whispers of "I love you" and "you're mine" in Enochian over Dean's skin.

He ordered Dean to look at him as he slowly licked, kissed, and bit a path from Dean's neck down to the top of his jeans. He met Dean's eyes as he unfastened the button and smirked at Dean before pulling Dean's zipper down with his teeth. He felt a burst of satisfaction when he heard Dean's breath catch and he smiled as he pulled Dean's jeans and boxers to his ankles. He quickly rid Dean of his shoes and socks before pulling his jeans and boxers off all the way and when he did, he looked up to see Dean staring at him in something that looked vaguely akin to wonder.

But that couldn't be right.

So instead Castiel turned his attention to the lower half of Dean's body. He could see how hard Dean was, how much he needed Castiel to touch him. But not yet. Castiel was going to take his time with this. Lord knows he wouldn't be lucky enough to get this opportunity twice.

Castiel crawled up Dean's body and kissed his forehead, then slowly trailed his nose down the length of Dean's entire body, cruelly ignoring Dean's cock, which made Dean whimper.

"Patience, Dean," Castiel chastised, looking up at Dean through his eyelashes.

He went back to trailing his nose down Dean's body, coming to a stop at Dean's feet. Then he began gently kissing the insides of the arches of Dean's feet. He alternated between right foot and left foot, traveling slowly up until he hit ankles. He kissed his way in that same manner up Dean's legs until he was at Dean's thighs. He began to lick and suck at the skin there, moving toward Dean's cock painfully slowly.

Dean was really whimpering in a very undignified manner by this point and the sound was better than any song Castiel had ever heard - and he'd listened to the song's of the Heavenly Host for millennia.

This was so so much better.

Finally, Castiel stopped teasing and ordered Dean to look at him again. Dean did, and when they locked eyes, Castiel put his lips to the head of Dean's cock and wrapped his mouth around it slowly. Castiel slowly brought all of Dean into his mouth and he slowly licked his tongue along the underside of Dean's dick. Castiel's eyes never left Dean's as he bobbed up and down, his tongue tracing artistic patterns along Dean's length. Castiel brought Dean all the way inside his mouth, until his lips were at the base of Dean's dick and the was in Castiel's throat. He hummed and brought Dean back out again, then back in, slowly at first, then faster.

He almost let Dean come in his mouth, but no. This was his one chance at this and he wanted to do it right.

Dean cried out when Castiel's mouth left him and Castiel smiled and crawled up to stroke Dean's cheek.

"Don't want it to be over yet," he explained softly.

Dean nodded.

Castiel could feel his own erection straining against his jeans. He wanted to get out of those jeans, but he wanted Dean to be the one to take them off.

Castiel pulled Dean up into a sitting position and straddled his hips again. "So," he whispered, trailing his long fingers all over Dean's body and reveling in how absolutely wrecked he looked. Castiel leaned into Dean so close that they were breathing into each other's mouths. "Do you want to fuck me or shall I fuck you?" he breathed.

Dean closed his eyes and Castiel could feel him searching for his voice. After what seemed like an immense effort, he found it. "Which do you usually do?"

Castiel smiled at the sound of Dean's voice so rough and needy. "Men like to feel powerful, like they're in control," Castiel explained, stroking Dean's face and whispering against his cheeks, his jaw, his eyelids. "I'm in the business of giving people what they want. With men, they always want to fuck me. I let them because they need to feel in control."

"So you never fuck other men?" Dean asked, eyes closed, reveling in pure bliss at Castiel's touches and closeness.

"No," Castiel shook his head, caressing Dean's face and staring at it in reverence.

Dean opened his eyes and peered up at Castiel through his lashes. "Would you like to?"

Castiel swallowed. "Are you sure?" he whispered, not daring to believe that Dean was actually letting him do this.

Dean nodded and pressed his forehead against Castiel's, staring into his eyes. "Fuck me, Cas," he growled into Castiel's mouth.

"As you wish," Castiel breathed against Dean's lips. "But that's not going to happen if I'm still wearing pants."

Unlike Castiel, Dean Winchester did not waste time. His eyes didn't leave Castiel's as he quickly undid his jeans and yanked them downward along with his boxers. Castiel obediently raised his hips and helped Dean maneuver his legs out of the clothing before Dean threw the clothes aside and stared openly at Castiel's now-exposed hard and leaking cock. Castiel smiled as Dean licked his lips and swept his eyes up and down, taking in all of Castiel.

"Do you like what you see?" Castiel breathed, forcing Dean's chin up and looking into his eyes. Castiel smiled when Dean nodded and Castiel leaned in and kissed him softly. Dean moaned into the kiss and clutched frantically at Castiel, seemingly trying to touch all of him all at once.

"Shh," Castiel said softly, "slow down. We're doing this right. Lean back," he commanded gently. Dean leaned back until he was flat on the floor again, looking up at Castiel expectantly. Castiel climbed on top of him and straddled his thighs.

Castiel slowly traced his fingers lovingly against Dean's face, savoring this moment. Dean was so beautiful like this. At this moment, Castiel violently missed his angelic memory. As an angel, he would have remembered this image with perfect clarity for the rest of his life. Now as a human, he would be lucky if he could accurately recall five tiny details the next morning.

Castiel's fingers came to a halt at Dean's lips and he pushed one finger in between Dean's lips. "Suck," he ordered and Dean complied. Castiel hummed in pleasure at the feeling of Dean mouth surrounding his finger before he finally took it out and rose himself to a kneeling position, releasing Dean's legs. He gently spread Dean's legs, then brushed his spit-soaked finger against Dean's entrance.

He leaned forward so his lips were brushing against Dean's ear. "Relax," he whispered as he slipped his finger into Dean. He felt Dean tense a bit, but he kept whispering into Dean's ear until Dean relaxed around Castiel's finger inside of him.

After moving his finger around inside of Dean until Dean was feeling more comfortable, Castiel pulled his finger out of Dean and this time brought two fingers to Dean's lips. "Suck," he instructed again.

Dean looked up at Castiel as he took the fingers in his mouth and suckled at them. The fingers on Castiel's other hand carded through Dean's hair and Dean hummed in contended pleasure around the fingers he was sucking on.

Castiel gently pulled his two fingers out of Dean's mouth and he softly pressed them into Dean's ass. Dean gasped a little this time and Castiel pressed calming kisses to his neck, chest, and jaw until Dean relaxed again, letting Castiel use his wet fingers to scissor Dean open.

Castiel slowly pulled his fingers out again and this time brought three up to Dean's mouth. "Suck," he whispered as Dean met the fingers with his tongue and drew them into his mouth. Castiel kissed Dean's forehead and mumbled Enochian "I love you"s as Dean hummed blissfully around his fingers.

Castiel's fingers found their way out of Dean's mouth and back to Dean's entrance, where Castiel slowly and carefully pressed them into Dean. Dean moved experimentally into the pressure and Castiel explored with his fingers until Dean was relaxed and calm.

This time, Castiel moved so he was straddling Dean's chest, his cock brushing Dean's lips, when he murmured the command, "Suck."

Dean did, firmly covering Castiel with moisture before Castiel pulled away and positioned himself at Dean's ass. He then kissed along Dean's jaw as he pushed in, gasping at the pressure.

He pushed in slowly until he was completely surrounded by Dean and he carefully watched Dean's face as he slowly adjusted to the sensation.

When Dean finally opened his eyes and nodded at Castiel, Castiel started to move. He didn't break eye contact with Dean as he pulled slowly out then pushed back in again. Dean bit his lip at the sensation and, god, that was beautiful.

Castiel kept up his routine, in and out, gradually speeding up. In, out, in, out, in - then he hit something that made Dean's back arch and he breathed, "oh god oh fuck Cas." He hit the spot again on the next thrust, prompting Dean to clutch at him and whimper, biting at his lip again.

"Faster, Cas," Dean whispered, pulling Castiel close and breathing hard against his skin. So Castiel went faster and he hit Dean's prostate with every thrust and he watched in awe as Dean's eyes danced and his mouth gasped and his breaths quivered.

Dean held Castiel's face close to his own while he fucked him, so they were breathing each other's air. Always breathing each other's air.

And all Castiel could think as he breathed Dean's air and watched him come apart beneath him was that he had been with dozens of people and it had never felt like this. Never this amazing, never this raw, never this needy, never this beautiful, never this necessary.

Never like this.

Not even close.

Castiel knew he was going to come soon and he was faltering in his rhythm. He wanted them to finish at the same time, so he started stroking Dean in time with his thrusts, aiming to send them over the edge together.

As soon as Castiel's hand closed around Dean's cock, Dean made this animalistic needy sound and attacked Castiel's mouth with his own, kissing him hard and wrapping his legs around Castiel's body tightly.

Castiel lost it right there.

He came with Dean's mouth pressing urgently against his own, all of his finesse lost under the overwhelming flood of sensations and emotions. Dean came right after Castiel, his breaths stuttering and gasping.

They were both shaking as they felt their orgasms wash over them, and they leaned into each other's arms, clutching at each other, still breathing each other's air. Always breathing each other's air.

Castiel sighed as he slowly pulled out of Dean and he leaned back, eying Dean warily.

Dean's eyes were glazed over, blissed out. Unaware. Castiel recognized the look of someone who was so wasted and far gone that he might not even know his own identity. He knew the look because it was his look - the one he saw every time he was unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of his own reflection.

Castiel wordlessly gathered up his clothes and slid them on, then tossed Dean his. He leaned against the wall and watched as Dean covered up the body that he was sure he would never get the chance to see again.

Fully clothed, they stared vacantly at each other for moments before Castiel broke the silence. "You won't remember this in the morning, will you?" he mused.

Dean's lips quirked into a sad little smile. "No," he said softly, before backing out of the cabin and leaving Castiel alone in the night.

February 7, 2014

Dean remembered the next morning.

And the morning after that. And the morning after that. And the morning after that.

God, he wished he didn't remember.

But he did.

He really really did.

February 22, 2014

"So you're going to drive halfway across the country AGAIN to follow a lead that might not even be legitimate?" Cas demanded, eyes flashing angrily at Dean from across the table.

"Trust me, the lead is legitimate," Dean growled, eyes raking over Cas's features, lingering on his lips.

God he wished he didn't remember that night.

"How the fuck can you know that, Dean?" Cas asked exasperatedly.

"I have my ways, Cas," Dean replied, voice low. "You, of all people, know that."

"Torture isn't always effective, Dean," Cas spat. "Demons LIE."

"Not to me, they don't," Dean stared at Cas who glared back.

Cas must be really pissed, thinking that Dean doesn't remember that night. It must hurt.

"So," Chuck coughed, bringing Dean's attention back to the fact that they were in a meeting that did, in fact, involve other people. "Torture... that's... well, I mean it sounds effective maybe..."

Cas glared at Chuck because Chuck was taking Dean's side.

Dean glared at Chuck because he'd seen Chuck down at Cas's cabin on multiple occasions and he knew where that stupid stuttering mouth had been.

"You're not going on this mission, Dean," Cas growled before he stalked out of the cabin without a backward glance.

And that was that.

March 1, 2014

Dean had a shitty day, even shittier than usual, which reminded him that he had a really goddamn fucking shitty life. And his shitty life was all his fault, just like everyone's shitty life was all his fault and the world was ending and FUCKING GOD everything was so goddamn shitty.

He was walking back to his cabin and he was shaking like crazy and about to fucking cry which was really just NOT okay and he passed Cas's cabin and all he could think was just... CAS and god, he wanted, no, NEEDED Cas.

So he turned on his heel and marched up to Cas's cabin and stormed in, still shaking like a mad man. Cas was sitting cross-legged on his bed, smoking something (Dean didn't really want to know) and he arched an eyebrow at Dean curiously as Dean stood in the doorway glaring at him.

"Dean," he said calmly. "You never come to my cabin."

Dean just glared and marched over to the bed. He plucked Cas's whatever-shit-he-was-smoking out of his hand and threw it to the ground.

"Careful," Cas mumbled at him half-heartedly, looking up at him apprehensively.

Dean just glared even harder and kissed the fallen angel's goddamn annoying beautiful face.

Cas clutched back at him hungrily and climbed on top of him, grinding against him in their own familiar rhythm.

When they broke apart to breathe, Cas whispered, "You didn't forget, did you?"

Dean shook his head and kissed him even harder.

March 15, 2014

Castiel was lounging in his cabin after receiving a surprisingly proficient blowjob from Chuck (he was actually improving - good for him, Castiel thought), when Dean Winchester appeared in his doorway.

"You busy?" Dean asked, eyes roaming over Castiel's shirtless form.

"No," Castiel said, smiling coyly up at him.

Sure he had just gotten off a few minutes ago, but for Dean he could go again.

For Dean, he could go all night long.

April 28, 2014

Dean's visits to Castiel were rather frequent now. Dean never attended orgies or acknowledged any attraction to Castiel in public, but people knew. Castiel and Dean both slept with flocks of other lovers, but people still knew.

Dean and Castiel didn't even talk about it to each other. Not really. They didn't acknowledge anything special or romantic between them. It was just sex.

But they both knew it was more.

And so did everybody else.

People talked.

"I saw Dean come out of Cas's cabin AGAIN last night."

"Seriously? Wasn't he there the night before, too?"

"Does Dean even fuck dudes?"

"Apparently he does now."

"Do you see the way he looks at Cas, though?"

"They go way back, man. You know Cas used to be a freakin angel, right?"

"Yeah, I heard, is that true though?"

"Yeah and you know what else is true? He raised Dean from HELL."

"Seriously? Damn, no wonder they're so close."

"Why isn't he an angel anymore?"

"He fell... for Dean."


"You know Cas is the only person in this entire camp who Dean actually LISTENS to?"

"I know, even though he's the drug-addict hippie slut. What the fuck is even up with that?"

"It's because he's CAS."


"And they love each other."

Dean and Castiel didn't talk about it.

But everybody knew.

It was okay, though. It's not like it was the end of the world.

Oh wait.

June 7, 2014

Castiel rode silently in the passenger seat as Dean drove them toward a nest of demons.

Castiel hadn't wanted to come. But Dean had said he needed backup and Castiel was the only one he trusted.

"Cas, I need you. I can't do this without you," Dean had said.

So Castiel had come.

They rolled up to an abandoned warehouse and Dean parked the car and the two wordlessly got out, armed with demon blades.

The plan? Kill all but one, one of the smaller ones, get her in a devil's trap, and watch Dean torture her until she spouted information that may or may not be true.

Top-notch plan.

Dean and Castiel stealthily entered the building, sneaking up behind demons and killing them silently until the demons detected them. Then they were all unbridled fury, swinging their blades and wiping out any demon that dared come near. Castiel was good at this, he knew. Even though he was wasted out of his mind, as always, he still had residual angel reflexes and instincts. No demon could beat him.

Dean and Castiel made quick work of all the demons, except for one, and Castiel went to capture her while Dean started to form the devil's trap. Catching her was easy; she was panicked and stupid. Castiel grabbed her and held a knife to her throat while Dean placed a chair in the devil's trap and took out some rope from his pocket.

Dean nodded at Castiel, so Castiel led the demon into the trap, holding the knife to her throat while Dean tied her up. He then trotted to the side of the room to lean against the wall and watch the show.

Castiel watched Dean peel off her skin, tantalizingly slow. He watched Dean dislocate every bone in her hands and in her feet. He watched Dean cut off her eyelids, forcing her to watch every horror she experienced. He watched Dean tear off each and every fingernail and toenail, slowly, one by one. He watched Dean cut off her clothes and then he watched Dean cut off her breasts. He watched Dean shove holy water into her mouth, into her nose, into her eyes, into her ears, and into her vagina.

None of this got them the information they needed.

Castiel watched Dean kill her in frustration, leaving the mangled body for the Croats to come and feast upon.

Castiel wanted to throw up.

Him and Dean fucked in the backseat of the car before going back to camp.

August 9, 2014

Castiel was on top of Dean, inside of Dean, leaving trails of kisses all over his body.

"I love you," he breathed in Enochian, feather-light breath ghosting over Dean's ear, making him shiver.

"I love you," he kissed the Enochian words onto Dean's neck, punctuating them with his tongue.

"I love you," he whispered in Enochian into Dean's mouth, catching with his tongue the moan he received in return.

"I love you," he cried out in Enochian as he came and collapsed boneless into Dean's arms and onto Dean's strong chest, furiously wishing he had the courage to scream those words in English.

October 2, 2014

"Become one with one another. Become one with the earth. Feel the energy of the love around you and sense the emotions throbbing inside each other's souls," Castiel said serenely to the group of young men and women sitting in a circle on the floor of his cabin.

Everything he was saying was bullshit, of course. But it calmed people down for whatever reason, so that's why he said it.

His mind wasn't in it today, though. His heart wasn't in it. He didn't even want to be here with these people, really.

He was going to be dead in less than 24 hours.

He knew this.

Dean had finally acquired the Colt and he was leading a group of them to kill the devil tomorrow.

Dean didn't say it was a suicide mission. In fact, he presented the mission optimistically, preferring to give the people false hope rather than a sense of impending doom.

But Castiel knew.

He knew that Dean was done. He knew that Dean had given up. He knew that Dean had no hope of winning this war anymore. He knew that Dean was tired. He knew that it was over for Dean.

And that was okay because when it's over for Dean, it's over for Castiel too.

Castiel tried to pull himself out of his melodramatic thoughts to address his harem, when suddenly he didn't have to.

He was interrupted by Dean Winchester, storming through his door, glaring at the world.

Some things never change, he thought fondly.

"Everybody out!" Dean thundered.

To the causal observer, Dean would appear to be overwhelmingly angry, but in reality, Dean was holding back tears.

Castiel knew.

Castiel knew because this was Dean Winchester.

Nobody had ever known Dean Winchester like Castiel knew Dean Winchester.

Castiel's harem quickly scattered and as soon as the room was down to a population of two, Dean flung himself at Castiel and let the tears pour out of his eyes. Dean buried his face in Castiel's collarbone and sobbed, broken and honest.

Castiel thought it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

Castiel rubbed soothing circles over Dean's back and shoulders and led him to the bed, murmuring sweet sentiments of comfort into his ears.

"It's okay, Dean," he whispered, sitting them down on the bed and pulling Dean close in his arms. "I've got you, Dean. Shhh..."

Dean disentangled himself from Castiel and looked up at him, face blotchy and eyes still leaking. Castiel reached out a hand and stroked his face, wiping away his tears. This elicited another broken sob from Dean.

"Cas," Dean choked out. "I love you. So much. I... I never wanted this. I never wanted it to end like this. I love you so fucking much, Cas. But it's too late. We're gonna die tomorrow, Cas. I... I'm sorry. I love you."

Castiel thought maybe he should be surprised because he hadn't seen this coming but then again actually maybe he had. He looked into Dean's eyes and he just knew. And maybe he'd known all along.

Dean hung his head in sorrow, but Castiel lifted his chin up and pressed their foreheads together, looking him in the eye. "I know," he whispered.

And he kissed Dean's salty tears off of his face and this time he breathed "I love you" onto Dean's skin in English. Dean whimpered when he heard it and he cried harder but Castiel didn't cry because he knew that he was dying but this? This was worth it. This is what he fell for.

It was painful, it was broken, it was heart-wrenching, it was raw, it was undeniably human.

But it was good.

"Dean," Castiel whispered against Dean's jaw as he kissed it, sliding in and out of Dean and savoring everything about this moment and everything that was DEAN. "I love you. I've always loved you. I forgive you. I could never not forgive you. You're my world, Dean. And I will follow you until the very end."

Dean closed his eyes and whimpered as Castiel kissed his forehead. "I will love you until the very end," Castiel breathed.

Castiel kissed his left closed eye lid. "I will die with you at the very end."

Tears poured out of Dean's closed right eye as Castiel kissed the lid. "I fell for you, and I would do it again."

Castiel kissed Dean's nose and whispered, "I will die for you, Dean."

Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's and for a moment they silently breathed each other's air, then Castiel whispered into Dean's mouth, "and if given the chance to do it all over again, I would die for you every fucking time,
Dean Winchester."

They kissed as they both came, sucking in each other's air like it was their dying breath, which it kind of was.

That night was Castiel and Dean's first real night spent entirely together.

But it was also their last.

October 3, 2014

Castiel locked eyes with Dean and nodded a silent goodbye before turning around and leading his small army away from his love and toward his death.

He didn't look back.

He smiled at his fellow soldiers and he motioned to the path ahead.

"Shall we?" he smirked.

He didn't wait for an answer as he pressed forward to his doom and he didn't even blink before he registered a Croat flying at him and he shot himself in the head before the Croat could do the job for him.


Dean felt it when Cas died because he felt as if part of his soul had just withered away into nothingness.

Lucifer looked at him with his brother's eyes, except not really, because those eyes had never been so cold when they had been used by Sam.

"Your angel's gone, isn't he?" Lucifer said, his voice dripping with a mocking attempt at sympathy. "I'm sorry. I know you were in love."

"You don't know what love is, you bastard," Dean growled, tears streaming down his face.

He had already tried shooting the devil, even though he had known in his gut that it wouldn't work.

This was a suicide mission after all.

All the was left was the suicide part.

"No," Lucifer said calmly, stepping toward him. "See, I do know about love. I know all of little Sammy's memories and I know he loved you, Dean. It was a powerful kind of love. Just like you and your angel's. The stuff people write songs about. Beautiful, really."

Lucifer paused and blinked.

Suddenly, Dean was on the ground and Lucifer's foot was on his neck. "You know," Lucifer mused. "He loved you so much that he couldn't handle it when you left him. In fact," Lucifer paused dramatically. "The pain that he felt because of you... that's what drove him to say yes."


Then everything went black.


Sam Winchester sat curled in the farthest, darkest corners of his mind, trying to block out what he was seeing.

But he couldn't.

He had watched Castiel, former Angel of The Lord, march to his death and he had felt Lucifer's smug laugh as the curtain closed on Castiel's life.

He had watched his brother's face crumple as the love of his life was wiped from existence and he had felt Lucifer's twinge of amusement as he witnessed it.

He had watched Dean's face become consumed with guilt and horror in the final seconds before his neck was snapped by a foot that used to belong to Sam himself.

Sam Winchester flung his hands over his ears and screamed until his throat burned. He felt tears pouring down his face and he felt his whole body shaking convulsively. There was no escape and everything that had happened, EVERYTHING, was his fault.

The world had ended.

There was nothing good and pure. Not anymore.

All because Sam Winchester had said yes.

A/N: So I hope you guys kind of enjoyed this and please don't hesitate to comment and tell me what you thought <3
Title: We're Stuck Inside this Salted Earth Together
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: end!verse, romance, angst
Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Dean/OC, Castiel/OC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 17,769
Disclaimer: I sadly own neither these characters or their universe
Warnings: slash, angst, drug use, major character death, general sadness, language, sex, rape, non-con
Spoilers: up to season 5 episode 4
Summary: This is the story of how Dean and Castiel became the characters we see in "The End." Only this time, no 2009!Dean shows up. This is their future and their present. They are stuck with it. This is the story of Dean and Cas's final years on a dying planet. It's a sad, end of the world love story.
A/N: This was supposed to be short, but alas, that is no longer the case. :P please please comment because I live for feedback! This verse will end up being three parts total.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3

A/N: Here's an update on my end!verse fic :) warning: disturbing shit up ahead.

May 7, 2013

Castiel always felt like he was floating now. He felt like the clouds were moving toward him and the air was dancing underneath him and the wind was holding him up and carrying him away.

It reminded him of what being an angel felt like and he didn't want to come down.

Castiel was running low on meds, so he made the trek down to Ryan's cabin, smiling at all of the intriguing sights and sounds around him.

He didn't enjoy visits with Ryan, but they were more bearable when he was stoned out of his mind. He let Ryan do all kinds of things to him - things that made his stomach clench and skin shudder when he let himself think about it.

So he simply refused to think about it.

He needed the drugs - they were the only thing keeping him sane. If this is what he had to do to get his high and finally feel like he was flying again, then he was going to do it, dammit.

Dean had moved into another cabin. They didn't talk anymore. Well, that's not true. They talked all the time - about strategy, about supplies, about missions. But they didn't really talk. They didn't say anything important. Not anymore.

The last time Dean had said anything real to Castiel was when he had come back to their cabin a week after Castiel had met Ryan.

Castiel had been lying on the floor in the middle of the room with his eyes closed and a blissfully empty mind.

He had heard Dean yelling at him but he couldn't register what was being said.

The only thing he had registered was "God, Cas, you're so useless you know that? Why couldn't a less pathetic angel have joined my team?"

Then he'd heard Dean leave and he had known in his gut that Dean wouldn't be coming back.

And he had just laughed with tears streaming quietly down his face.

So now when he was humming to himself on the journey over to Ryan's cabin, he didn't know how to respond when he saw Dean locked in a tender embrace with a woman in the doorway a few cabins down from Ryan's.

Castiel's senses were a bit dull, so he just watched as Dean kissed the woman softly, not caring that he was blatantly staring.

Dean finally turned away from the woman and turned to walk away, eyes falling on Castiel. They stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before a deep voice broke Castiel out of his reverie.

"Cas!" Ryan called, poking his head out of his cabin. "You comin to see me?"

Castiel finally broke eye contact with Dean. "Yes," he called in response, not looking back at Dean as he turned away and strode toward Ryan.

If he had looked back, he might have seen the flash of comprehension, then hurt, in Dean's eyes.

But he didn't.

May 25, 2013

Ryan had begun calling on Castiel more often than just when Castiel needed more drugs. Ryan claimed that since he was giving Castiel so much, Castiel should be happy to give Ryan whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Castiel couldn't argue because he no longer knew how to function without the help of Ryan's drugs, so he always complied.

Castiel was in Ryan's cabin, pressed silently against the wall while Ryan brutally slammed into him again and again. Ryan hadn't even bothered with a lubricant of any kind other than a bit of his own spit and pre-cum. It hurt like a bitch, but Castiel didn't complain.

He took it with a vacant expression on his face, just as he did with everything these days.

A few cabins down, Dean was leaning back against a wall while a woman named Andrea was on her knees in front of him. He ran his fingers through her hair and guided her head further down on his cock, not as gently as he used to.

Both men came wishing they were somewhere else, anywhere but where they were, but they were both too broken to really care.

July 3, 2013

"We can't just barge in there; we don't even know if this is a real lead!"

Castiel watched as Dean argued with Reesa about a new mission he wanted to go on. Apparently one of the demons that Dean had found had told him that the Colt was in Washington D.C. and now Dean wanted to go there.

Castiel deliberately refrained from thinking about how Dean had gotten the information out of this demon.

"Well it's the only lead we've got and I'm not going to just sit around and watch the world end without doing SOMETHING," Dean yelled exasperatedly.

Castiel heard a bitter laugh and realized too late that it came from his own mouth.

"What are you laughing about, Chuckles?" Dean asked coldly.

"Look around, Dean, the world's already gone," Castiel sighed.

Dean glared at him and maybe Castiel could see hurt and pain in his deadened eyes, but maybe that was just the drugs and his hopeful heart still trying to trick him.

"Look, why don't we go to Bobby's and see what he thinks?" Reesa asked. "He'll know how to interpret this information better than any of us."

Dean nodded. "Come on then," he said, not even bothering to ask if Castiel was coming with because Dean knew. Castiel would always come.

The three of them loaded into a car, Dean at the wheel, Reesa in the passenger seat, and Castiel staring vacantly out the window of the backseat.

The drive was silent and when they reached Bobby's, Castiel immediately sensed something was wrong.

The front door was open and Castiel hopped out of the car quickly and recklessly. He grabbed a gun and bolted to the house, sensing Dean at his heels more than hearing him.

He could vaguely register Reesa's faint cries of warning before him and Dean were charging through the door.

What they saw inside would haunt Castiel's memory until the day he died, and probably in Hell for an eternity after that.

There was blood spattered everywhere and the bodies of dead Croats littering the entire room. In the middle of the room was Bobby's wheelchair, and a few feet away from it was a rotten and decaying heap of bones, ripped clothes, blood, guts, and Bobby's hat.

Castiel didn't remember running to it, but before he knew it he was kneeling in front of the pile, vacant eyes staring in disbelief.

"Don't touch, Cas," Dean said from behind him. "It's all infected."

Castiel forced his eyes up to Dean's face and was relieved to see tears forming in his startlingly green eyes.

"Reesa!" Dean barked. "Stay outside!"

Castiel heard Reesa respond and he registered tears spilling out of his own eyes and Dean crouching down next to him, staring at what was once Bobby Singer.

Before Castiel could get his brain to work again, Dean got up and walked out without so much as looking at Castiel. He returned a minute later with two pairs of gloves.

Wordlessly, he handed a pair to Castiel and the two of them put the gloves on and gathered up the remains of the man who had meant so much to them both; the father figure they had both needed when their own fathers weren't there anymore.

After a few trips, the entirety of the deceased man was lying in a heap in the back yard. Dean and Castiel silently shed their gloves and threw them on top of the pile. Tears streaming down his face, Dean pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit the remains on fire.

They didn't say anything and the two of them stood there staring at the flames until they died out and there was nothing left but black, dusty ashes.

Reesa had patiently waited and left the two men in peace to give their friend the hunter's funeral he deserved.

They didn't say a word to each other the entire day.

They were both locked in their own lonely heads, mourning the loss of their hero in solitude.

September 2, 2013

Other men were starting to notice how Castiel was being used by Ryan and Castiel began to frequently get offers from men who wanted to forget that the world was going to shit for a night.

Castiel didn't remember when he started to say yes, but at some point he had and now he spent most nights a week being fucked by some desperate man or another whose names he never bothered to remember, always wishing it was someone else.

He got to the point where he couldn't sleep alone anymore and on those nights when no one came to him for comfort, he went out in search of comfort himself.

He would flirt shamelessly with men, women, anyone who would listen. He would smile a dazzling smile and give a speech about how the world was ending so we might as well go out with a bang. He would take a willing body back to his cabin every night and fall asleep with a warm form curled next to his own.

And he would go to sleep unhappy every night, wishing for someone who he knew he had lost a long time ago.

October 19, 2013

Dean sat on the grass, staring up at the stars, wondering when his life had become this: this mess of an apocalyptic disaster with a possessed brother and a drugged up fallen angel whore of a best friend and a camp of people that he had somehow become responsible for and absolutely no idea what to do.

Dean wished he could go back and change so many of the decisions that had led him to this point. He wished he had never pushed Sam away. He wished he had been there for Cas after he fell. He wished he hadn't let Cas slip away from him. He wished he had just told Cas that he loved him.

He wished he could have saved Cas. He wished he could have saved Sam. He wished he could have saved Bobby.

He wished he had just said yes and been able to save everyone.

And he had tried. A few months ago he had broken down and screamed out into the sky that yes, he would be Michael's fucking angel condom.

The only response he got was the sound of crickets chirping in an empty night.

Tonight he felt tears pouring down his cheeks and dripping off his chin and he tilted his head toward heaven and he pleaded, "Please. I'm begging you, if anyone is listening up there, please. Please, I'll be your goddamn sword, just please. Please listen. I can't do this. Just do your fucking apocalypse and get it over with. I'm done. Please. Please hear me."

But really Dean knew that the angels were gone. They had left a long time ago and they had no intention of coming back.

God was content to let this planet wither and die under Lucifer's command and there was nothing Dean could do about it.

"They can't hear you."

Dean turned around and saw Castiel standing there, a bottle of something alcoholic in his hand.

"The angels left long ago, Dean. I told you that."

Dean sighed and didn't even bother to wipe his tear-stained face. If it were anyone else he would have, but this was Castiel and even after everything, Cas knew him better than he knew himself and he couldn't hide anything from him even if he wanted to.

Dean felt small and vulnerable and he missed his friend more than anything, so he let himself open up just this once.

"I know, Cas, but it doesn't hurt to try."

Cas sat down beside him and handed Dean the bottle. Dean took a swig and looked over at his best friend, seeing the glassy eyes that he had grown to hate on the ex-angel's face.

Dean missed the bright eyes that were full of curiosity and awareness. These vacant, empty orbs were a sorry replacement and Dean hated them.

"Saying yes wouldn't have made things any better, Dean," Cas mused. "Michael and Lucifer would have destroyed the world anyway."

"Maybe," Dean mumbled. "But Sam wouldn't have become Lucifer's meat suit and Bobby wouldn't have been eaten alive and you wouldn't have..."

Cas laughed an empty laugh. "Become a wasted slut? Yeah probably not."

"You hate me, don't you, Cas?"

Dean knew if he were Cas, he would hate him. This was all Dean's fault. Dean was a dick and he made Cas into the shell of a person that he is. Dean could barely even look at him. It made him sick to his stomach with guilt to see what he had done to this man who used to be a powerful and mesmerizing angel.

Cas stared up at the sky silently for a moment before answering. "I hate a lot of things now, Dean. I hate the world. I hate my life. I hate cruel people. I hate God. I hate the angels. I hate myself. I hate the human body. I hate memories. I hate monsters. I hate feeling things." He paused and tilted his head to look at Dean. "But one thing I've never been able to hate is you, Dean Winchester."

Dean saw some spark of feeling in those blue eyes and seeing Cas with his tilted head and some expression on his face other than pure vacancy made his heart clench. It reminded him of the old Cas that hadn't yet been destroyed by Dean and Dean wanted to kiss him and hold him and bring the old Cas back.

Instead he looked away. "You should hate me," he muttered. "I destroyed you. I broke you. I killed you, Cas."

"Yes," Cas agreed. "But I helped."

Something in Dean snapped. Now he was feeling frustrated. He didn't understand why Cas was always so willing to follow him, to be with him, to trust him when he had every reason not to. Quite frankly, it pissed Dean off because he didn't deserve that. He had never deserved someone like Cas and because of Cas's undying devotion to Dean's worthless ass, Cas had fallen and that guilt was all on Dean.

"Why did you do it? Why did you follow me? Why the fuck did you fall for me?" Dean spat out. "Because it was really stupid, Cas. Everything you did. This shouldn't have happened to you. I hope you're fucking happy with how your life's turned out."

Cas glared at him and Dean could see a glint of the angelic smite-y-ness in Castiel's eyes and the sight made his heart leap.

"I never wanted this. All I wanted was you, Dean."

With that, Cas snatched his alcohol back from Dean, got up, and walked off into the night, leaving Dean alone, broken, sad, angry, and agonizingly guilty.

November 7, 2013

Dean was on the way back to his cabin from Sadie's cabin. Sadie was one of Cas's regulars and Dean had taken to fucking people he knew Cas had fucked.

He knew he couldn't have Cas because he didn't deserve him and being with him would only break Cas even more. He couldn't stand what he had done to Cas and he hated himself for it.

So he tried to repress his love for the fallen angel and sat on the sidelines as Cas drowned in the mess of a life that Dean had burdened him with.

But that didn't make it hurt any less every time he saw some man or woman leaving Cas's cabin with a smile on their face or every time he heard flocks of women gabbing excitedly about Cas's legendary orgies.

It still hurt like hell every time Dean looked at Cas and saw how broken he had become. It hurt like hell every time he longed to touch him and reminded himself that he couldn't because had no right. He had no right to reach out and try to fix Cas because he was the one that had broken him and Cas deserved to be free of him forever.

So when Dean spotted Cas in the distance, walking in his direction, he decided the better option was to hide and wait for Cas to pass rather than deal with a conversation.

He ducked behind a cabin and realized whose cabin it was with a sickening jolt at the sound of the occupant's voice.

"Cas, baby!" the voice called. "Are you coming to see me, Blue Eyes?"

It was Ryan. Dean had hated Ryan ever since he had realized that he was one of the first people Cas had slept with. Everyone knew that Ryan was one of Cas's regulars because he fucking leered at him every time he saw him. Seriously, the dude had a sick obsession with Cas and it made Dean's stomach hurt.

"Actually, no," Dean heard Cas reply dazedly. "I was just passing through."

"Why don't you make a pit stop while you're here, though?" Ryan asked in a velvety voice. "I'd make it worth it, I promise."

"I would," Cas answered. "But I'm actually on my way to..."

Dean heard movement and he strained his ears to understand what was going on, as he didn't dare risk peaking his head out to see.

He heard Ryan hiss, "Baby, you don't actually think you can refuse me, do you? You need me, beautiful, just like I need you. It's the end of the world, love, and we're stuck here together. You haven't forgotten everything I've done for you, have you?"

"Of course not. Ryan, please let go of me, I don't want -"

Dean heard the sound of a fist against a body.

"I'll tell you what you do or don't want, you little slut," Ryan growled, dragging Cas into the cabin.

Dean wanted to barge in and shoot Ryan on the spot but the horror that was swimming through every vein in his body was pinning him in place and all he could do was peek through the window, watching and listening as the scene unfolded.

Ryan slammed Cas against the wall and yanked his pants off.

Castiel struggled and tried to elbow Ryan off of him but Ryan was stronger than him.

"Don't fight it, love," Ryan snarled. "We need each other."

Cas whimpered. "Please, Ryan, I don't want this. Please stop."

Ryan slapped him.

"Of course you want this. I know what you want, gorgeous. I made you, remember? I was your first. I taught you everything you know."

Cas's face pressed hard against the cabin wall as Ryan pinned his arms down and fondled his dick and ass.

"But then you became a little slut and you betrayed me. Why would you do that to me baby?"

Ryan bit Cas's back so hard he screamed, which only made Ryan do it again.

"I like it when you scream, baby. Usually you're so quiet for me."

Cas struggled underneath him as Ryan pulled his own pants down and rubbed his cock against the crease of Cas's ass.

"This might hurt a bit, Blue Eyes."

Without warning he shoved himself into Cas, making him scream.

Cas flailed and struggled but Ryan just pinned him against the wall and thrust quick and hard into him relentlessly.

"Are you enjoying yourself, baby?"

Cas screamed in response which made Ryan more brutal.

"I said, are you enjoying yourself?"

Cas nodded and Ryan hummed and sucked on his neck.

"Good boy."

Cas went limp and he finally stopped struggling as Ryan ran his hands all along Cas's body.

Tears were streaming down Cas's face.

"You need me. You need me because I give you what you want. Without me, you'd be nothing. You're nothing without the drugs, baby."

Cas whimpered as Ryan grabbed his dick too roughly.

Ryan cried out as he came.

Dean's feet finally found the courage to move and he ran away as fast as he could before he allowed himself to storm into that cabin and murder Ryan with his bare hands.

November 8, 2013

Dean tried to talk himself out of it, but his attempts were half-hearted.

He had never felt so angry in his entire life.

So, he loaded a gun and tucked it into his jacket.

He walked along the path in the cool morning air as the sun started it's slow crawl up the sky.

He paused in front of the door before barging in.

He saw the man look up from his bed in surprise and then Dean looked him dead in the eye and shot Ryan right between the eyes three times with absolutely no hesitation.

November 9, 2013

People were curious as to what had happened to Ryan, but Dean had taken his body and buried it, leaving no evidence.

Eventually people would lose interest and no one would remember that Ryan had even existed.

Dean felt no remorse.

November 24, 2013

Castiel was secretly overjoyed that Ryan had disappeared and he didn't ask questions as to why.

As soon as he had heard, he had raided Ryan's cabin and taken his entire supply of drugs.

He probably should have felt guilty, taking what was probably a dead man's belongings so nonchalantly, but he didn't.

Castiel was to accompany Dean and a few others on a supply run today. They had to drive farther than usual because they had already raided all of the stores in the vicinity.

Castiel was pretty sure they were going to encounter some Croats, but he didn't really mind. He was in the mood to shoot something.

He meandered over to the vehicles being loaded up for their trip and settled to a stop next to Dean.

"So, what are your orders, fearless leader?" he asked sarcastically.

Dean gave him an annoyed look. "We're gonna drive up to Fargo, be as discreet as possible, find the first store we can that has supplies, raid it, and get the hell out. Hopefully without dying."

"Good plan," Castiel said with a nod.

Castiel had resigned himself now to the fact that he would never have Dean, so he had decided to become Dean if he couldn't have him. The thought was depressing when you thought about it, so he didn't think about it.

He just cruised along on his high, making smartass comments and getting laid, all to the mantra of "what would Dean do?"

He rode shotgun in a guy named Frank's car, watching the shadowy outline of Dean at the wheel of the car in front of him for the entire trip.

When Dean pulled over, Frank followed suit and everyone climbed out of their vehicles. There were five of them, and they all wordlessly prepared their weapons before falling into line behind Dean and quietly sneaking their way into the city.

Castiel fell into step right behind Dean, because that's what he always did. They hadn't had a real conversation in months but it didn't matter because he would always be right behind Dean, backing him up whenever he needed him.

Castiel had always been second in command on any mission despite his drug addictions and lack of angel mojo. Everyone knew that Castiel was Dean's right-hand man and no one questioned it.

Castiel knew that after everything, he was still the only person that Dean trusted completely in this world and that meant something.

The small pack found a promising-looking store and the silently filed inside, guns ready.

The place seemed free of threats, but it was clear that it had been raided many times before. The crew did a sweep anyway to see if there was anything left for them.

They split up in over to do the task faster and Castiel found himself scouring the back corner of the store, coming up with nothing useful.

He heard a faint scuffling coming from the aisle adjacent to him and he cautiously moved to check it out. He peeked around the corner and saw a small crowd of Croats feasting on a body.

He knew he couldn't hope to shoot them all before they got to him, so he figured his best move was to silently get out of there and get the others out before the Croats noticed they were there.

Unfortunately, one of the Croats looked up and locked eyes with him.

Castiel didn't waste time and knocked some random things off of the shelves, forming a small barrier between himself and the Croats before sprinting away.

"Dean!" he yelled, hoping Dean was in the vicinity. "Get out!"

"Cas?" he heard Dean call from somewhere to his left.

The Croats heard it too and Castiel heard some of them scurry off to hunt the new voice.

"Dean, don't talk! Get the others and get out of here, now!"

Castiel rounded a corner and suddenly Dean was there.

"Not without you, Cas."

Castiel shouldn't have allowed himself the second to stare at Dean because by the time he heard the Croats coming up behind him it was too late. He felt something grab him and his gun was knocked out of his hands. He heard a gun shot, then something crushed his ankle and he cried out. Then he felt Dean yanking him away and pulling him toward the exit.

The pain in his ankle was excruciating as Dean dragged him toward the door. He didn't know how they made it, but they did and by the time they had shaken the Croats, the others in their group were ready with the cars and Dean hauled Castiel into the backseat of one and they drove off to safety.

Castiel groaned as his ankle throbbed. The pain was making him dizzy and he slumped against Dean, sweat glazing his forehead.

Dean gently propped him up and pulled out the first aid kit. He was murmuring something softly to Castiel, although Castiel couldn't quite make it out. The tone was soothing, however, so it calmed him.

Castiel watched Dean as he fretted over Castiel's ankle. Castiel barely even felt the pain as Dean felt it and tried to assess the damage. He was too bush concentrating on Dean's soothing voice. The voice sounded so caring and that was something Castiel hadn't experienced from Dean in so long.

Dean apparently determined that fixing Castiel's ankle was beyond his area of expertise, so he tried his best to make Castiel comfortable and busied himself cleaning Castiel up and wiping the sweat from his forehead.

Castiel closed his eyes and enjoyed Dean's touch. When Dean was finished, he let Castiel snuggle into him for the rest of the way back to camp.

Despite everything and despite the pain, Castiel felt content in this moment.

And if anyone thought that the two of them cuddling in the backseat was weird, no one said anything.

A/N: I know this was really depressing. I apologize. And the final part will be worse. :P please leave me a comment and tell me what you think <3

Next Part
Title: Red Paintings on a Porcelain Canvas
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: Highschool AU, angst, romance
Pairings: Mainly Dean/Castiel but includes many others. Much slash but no incest
Rating: NC17
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own these characters although I wish I did because I love them so dearly.
Warnings: slash, underage, adult content, language, self harm, eating disorders, abuse, mental illness (if you're easily triggered please don't read <3)
Summary: This is a High School AU Dean/Castiel fic. Castiel Novak and his family are new to Lawrence, Kansas and Dean Winchester finds himself drawn to Castiel. Cas and Dean become each other's first real friends, but Dean discovers that Cas has some unsettling secrets.
A/N: This is probably going to be incredibly long as I have so many more ideas that I want to include! This is my first fanfic so please don't judge but I would love constructive criticism and any sort of feedback at all really.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

A/N: Hey guys! I profusely apologize for taking so long to update, but here is an extra-long update for you ;)

Dean groaned as he was awakened from his slumber by his phone ringing on his nightstand.

"What the fuck.." he whined, glancing at the clock that read 2:30 AM.

He rolled his eyes when he caught sight of the name on the caller ID. Flipping his phone open, he muttered, "What do you want, Garth?"

"Good day, Dean!" the voice on the other end chimed. Dean didn't know how the fuck someone could be so cheerful at 2:30 in the morning.

"It's not 'day,' Garth. It's 2:30 in the fucking morning. I was fucking asleep, dude," Dean growled.

So far it was Dean's third day of "BFF-hood" with Garth (That's what Garth called it: BFF-hood. What even.) and Dean was starting to get used to Garth's idiosyncrasies. Even though some of them were fucking annoying. Such as the one where he doesn't understand that normal people are usually asleep at 2:30 AM.

"Dean, you must embrace the beauty of an infant morning! You miss the first moments of a day's life when you spend all of your time sleeping, you know."

"Whatever," Dean sighed. "To what do I owe this delightful disturbance of my beauty sleep?"

"I've been doing some research," Garth began.

Dean groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. So this was going to be one of those long conversations. Whenever Garth said he did "research," what he meant was that he very creepily stalked people online and in person and gathered an extensive knowledge of gossip about anyone and everyone in town. And now that he had a friend for the first time, he was always inordinately excited to be able to share his knowledge with his friend. No matter what time it was, apparently.

"So I was at Lilith's house the other day," Garth rattled out.

"Sure," Dean nodded, having previously accepted the fact that Garth made a habit of breaking into other people's houses without invitation or reason.

"And apparently she got caught with drugs AND lesbian porn so her super conservative parents flipped and are totally sending her to this Christian teen reform center in Utah," Garth babbled.

"Wait, what? She's allowed to have lesbian porn but she is a fucking bitch about it when she thinks I'm gay? That's fucked up. Serves her right to be exiled to Utah, if you ask me."

"Dean," Garth said seriously. "Sometimes when people are ashamed of their own sexuality, they lash out at other people. That seems to be what Lilith was doing when she-"

"You know, I don't really give two shits about why that bitch did what she did," Dean interrupted. "I'm glad she got shipped off to Bible Camp."

"I thought you would be. In other news, Ash Harvelle is now organizing group orgies at his house with free booze and marijuana."

"Please tell me this bit of information has nothing to do with me," Dean grimaced.

"Not unless you want it to," Garth replied.

"God, no," Dean wrinkled his nose.

"Have you ever taken part in an orgy, Dean?" Garth inquired.

"Nope and I really don't want to start now," Dean said uncomfortably.

"You might want to consider it," Garth mused. "In my personal experience, I -"

"Oh God, dude, stop. Just stop. Please. I don't want to hear about you and your orgies."

"Well some of those orgies included other men, Dean, and you might need some advice on the logistics of that later down the road, so-"

"OH MY GOD, GARTH," Dean moaned, resisting the urge to throw his phone across the room. "I think orgies need to go on our list of subjects to never discuss again."

They actually had a list. So far the list included the art of 69, the sex life of Principle Henriksen, the birthing process of kangaroos, The Book of Mormon (the musical), and Glee. Dean thought orgies would be a fantastic addition to that list.

"Fine," Garth sighed. Dean heard rustling on the other end as Garth probably added "orgies" to the list he kept in his notebook. "So, anyway, apparently that guy, Chuck, who's in charge of the school newspaper is writing a novel."

"That's not very interesting, Garth."

"No?" Garth challenged. "I think it is. It's about people he knows. It's about people at school, Dean. I hear you're in it."

"What? Why?"

"Well you and Sam are still the big news lately after your showdown with Lilith. Mostly people are idolizing Sam while they moan about how tragic your denial of your sexuality is."

Dean groaned. "Fuck my life. Seriously. Fuck. My. Life. So what, in Chuck's book I'm some emo teenager who is ashamed of his reflection while Sammy is all Superman?"

"No, actually," Garth explained. "Chuck's story takes place in an alternate universe where you and Sam are adults who travel the world saving people and hunting supernatural creatures. Castiel appears well into the novel as an Angel of The Lord who assists you two in stopping the apocalypse. Apparently there's all sorts of sexual tension between you and Cas and a whole lot of eye sex."

"That's really fucking weird," Dean said. "Why the fuck does this Chuck dweeb care about me, Sam, and Cas, anyway?"

"It might have something to do with his best friend, Becky, who he happens to be in love with."

Dean waited for an explanation but none came. "Okay, so uh, why does Becky care about us then?"

"Oh, Becky is obsessed with homoerotic fan fiction and gay porn," Garth stated. "She thinks that you and Castiel are 'totally the sexiest couple since Klaine'."

"What the hell is a Klaine?"

"It's from Glee so I'm not allowed to talk about it," Garth answered.

"Of course it is..." Dean muttered. "So Becky is basically having Chuck write gay porn about us is what you're saying?"

"Well that's originally what she wanted, but Chuck wouldn't do it. He created the story about you guys but he couldn't bring himself to write about your sex life apparently."

"Thank you, Chuck."

"Although I don't know why. I bet I could write some awesome porn about you two."

"GARTH!" Dean barked, exasperated. "Porn about me and Cas needs to be on our list too, okay? Write that shit down now please."

"Fine," Garth sighed. "But you should know before we stop talking about it that Becky has written some Destiel porn already and it's posted online."

"DESTIEL?" Dean groaned. "Has she been talking to Sam or something? Fuck. My. Life. Got any good news, Rumor Fairy?"

"I don't know if this is good news, but there is some speculation going around about your brother Sam and Gabriel Novak being gay lovers."

"Yeah I'm pretty sure that ones true," Dean said.


Dean could hear Garth's wide-eyed, excited facial expression.

"Well I mean not technically, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened," Dean shrugged. "Even though I really fucking hate that little shit. Gabriel, I mean, not Sam."

"Interesting. Also, Mr. Roman got fired and apparently our new gym teacher is none other than Michael Novak."

"What?" Dean's throat got dry. "You couldn't have lead with that, Garth?"


"Yeah, whatever..." Dean gulped.

This sucked. Gym was one of his favorite subjects - you didn't have to concentrate on stupid academic shit, you just played a game and focused on winning. It was fun. And now it was just going to be stressful.

"Dean, I have to go. Twilight Zone reruns are on," Garth said hurriedly.

"Yeah, okay, Garth," Dean sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Thanks for the intel."

"Anytime," Garth said seriously.

Dean flipped his phone shut and fell back onto his bed with a mighty groan.


Dean's alarm clock rang entirely too soon, in Dean's opinion, and he flung his arm out to turn it off with a groan.

"Yay, school," Dean muttered to himself, slowly sitting up. "Yay, gym class. Yay, new gym teacher. Fuck my life."

After he took care of showering and dressing, he trudged downstairs to satisfy his moaning stomach.

"Dude," Sam was saying to John when Dean walked in. "That's totally not the same thing."

"Yes it is," John replied. "Blueberry pop tarts have BLUEBERRIES in them, Sammy, so they're totally healthy."

"But, Dad," Sam said exasperatedly, "they're ARTIFICIAL. That is SO not good for you."

"Whatever," John said with an eye roll. "You can enjoy your high and mighty natural health food and I will die happy with a stomach full of toaster strudel awesomeness."

Dean couldn't help interjecting his opinion into this little debate. "Dude, I am so with dad on this one. If something has the name of a fruit in it, it definitely counts as healthy. Apple pie, for example. Totally nutritious."

Sam shook his head in disbelief. "Heathens," he muttered to himself, before digging into his fruit salad.

Dean smirked as he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He rolled his eyes as he answered, "What's up, Garth?"

Both John and Sam perked up at the mention of Garth. They had heard Dean's description of the guy and his crazy antics, but they had never actually met him. They were fascinated by Garth.

"Top of the morning to ya, Dean!" Garth sung from the other end of the phone. "Do you mind giving me a ride to school today, bestie?"

"Uh, sure, Garth, I'll just-"

"Excellent! I'm on your front porch, by the way."

"You're -" Dean backed up a few steps to his living room and looked out the window. Sure enough, Garth was cheerily waving to him through the glass. "Good lord, Garth. Just let yourself in."

"Suh-weet!" Garth exclaimed, before hanging up.

Dean turned apologetically to Sam and John as the door opened and in walked Garth, a sock puppet over his left arm.

"Salutations, family Winchester!" Garth greeted, all smiles. "I'm Garth Fitzgerald IV. I'm also Dean's BFF. This is Mr. Fizzles. He was my old BFF, but now he's my second string BFF because I like Dean better." He paused and looked at his sock puppet apologetically. "Sorry, Mr. Fizzles."

Sam had a wide grin on his face and a hand clapped over his mouth, clearly trying to hold back laughter. John had paused mid-chew to stare in wonder at Garth and his second string BFF, pop-tart half hanging out of his mouth.

Sam was the first to recover. "Nice to meet you, Garth!" he said happily, shaking Garth's free hand. "I'm Sam."

"Hello, Sam Winchester," Garth said seriously. "Now, if you don't mind me asking, is it true that you and Gabriel Novak are homosexual lovers?"

Dean's eyebrows widened and his mouth quirked in amusement while John choked on his pop-tart and his face turned red from a combination of laughter and lack of air.

Sam's face, however, turned red from embarrassment. "What? No! What the - where did you hear that?"

"I have my ways," Garth said mysteriously before winking conspiratorially at Dean.

Dean found himself grinning back. Garth was definitely no replacement for Cas, but he was seriously fucking entertaining.

"I'm John, Dean's dad," John addressed Garth after he finally recovered from choking on his breakfast.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Winchester patriarch!" Garth said brightly.

John's eyebrows knotted in a combination of confusion and amusement as Dean smirked. "So, Garth, want anything to eat?"

"No thank you," Garth responded, plopping down in a chair.

"Hey, Garth," Sam said. "We were having this debate before you called. Are apple pie and blueberry pop tarts healthy just because they have fruit in their names?"

All three Winchesters turned eagerly to hear the newcomers position in the very important culinary debate.

Garth shook his head seriously. "Oh, certainly not, Samuel. Those are extremely unhealthy food items."

Sam grinned. "I like your new BFF, Dean. You should keep him."

John and Dean scowled.


The day progressed fairly smoothly, considering how depressed Dean was. Garth made things interesting, at the very least, and it turned out that he actually had quite a few classes with Dean but the Winchester had just never noticed.

Unfortunately for Dean, the time finally came for gym class and Dean nervously tried to blend in with the crowd as he headed toward the locker room.

Dean caught sight of Michael Novak's brunette head peering down at his clipboard intently and quickly looked away. He rushed into the locker room before the new teacher had time to notice his presence.

Of course, Michael would know soon enough that Dean was in his class, if he didn't know already.

Seriously, when did Dean Winchester's life become so dramatic and angsty?

After he dawdled as long as possible in the locker room, he slowly trudged out into the gym, keeping his head firmly trained downward.

He heard Michael's voice ring out confidently, "Hey, guys! So, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not Coach Roman. Coach Roman, unfortunately, had to abandon ship, so I'm your new gym teacher. My name's Michael Novak and this is my first time being a gym teacher so I don't really know what I'm doing. Please don't hold that against me. But for today I figured we could do something fun so that you guys will like me."

Dean smirked at that. He heard some of the guys around him chuckle appreciatively. He liked Michael, he really did. It sucked to like the one teacher who you knew must hate you with a passion because you broke his little brother's heart.

"So, anyone have any requests?" Michael asked, casually tossing a kickball back and forth.

"Dodgeball!" some guy exclaimed. His excitement was echoed by all of his loud friends.

"Alrighty, then. Dodgeball it is!" Michael said cheerily. "This half of the room, you'll be one team. The rest of you are on the other team. Don't kill each other, play nice, and have fun."

Michael then proceeded to release a bag of balls into the throng of teenage boys and then quickly retreat. Dean accidentally met Michael's eyes with a small smile. To his surprise, Michael returned the gesture.

A few minutes into the game, the boys heard a whistle and Michael addressed them. "Hey guys, sorry for the interruption. I just need a volunteer to help me with something for a quick minute. Dean! Why don't you help me? Thanks! That's it, guys, feel free to resume your dodging and balling."

Dean looked around in mild confusion. He was pretty sure he hadn't volunteered. Of course this would happen, though. Just his luck. He sighed and followed Michael into his office.

Michael was leaning against his desk and he smiled kindly at Dean when Dean entered apprehensively. "Hey, Dean. I surmised from your extremely dedicated avoidance of eye contact that you think I might be mad at you?" Michael guessed.

Dean blushed sheepishly.

Michael sighed. "Look, Dean. I'm not mad at you. I actually quite like you. I know it's probably not professional to discuss personal matters with a student, but what can I say, I live on the edge," Michael said with a smirk. "Dean, I just want Cas to be happy and I know you care for him. I can tell. I don't know why this fall-out happened but I don't think it's the end of the world and I think you two can help each other. I really just want Cas to be happy again, Dean."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, me too," he said quietly.

"Dean, what happened? Cas won't really talk to me," Michael said sadly.

"I..." Dean sighed and leaned against the wall. "I dunno, man. I'm a dick, I guess. Like, I really like him. You don't understand how much. But I've never felt like this before. And it's..."

"I believe the word you're searching for is 'scary', Dean. Unfortunately, there isn't really a manly way to say it."

Dean smiled. "Yeah, I guess not. Anyway, I've never liked someone so much before. And on top of that he's a GUY and I'm not supposed to like other dudes. I'm a womanizer. I'm like the dictionary definition of womanizer, ya know? I just... I can't deal with people looking at me all different and judgmental. But it doesn't even matter anymore. I fucked everything up beyond repair and Cas will never want me back now anyway."

Michael nodded. "Dean, I get it. This shit is hard. But, you know, sometimes you have to do what's going to make you happy as opposed to trying to please everyone else. Dean, this is high school. These people don't matter in the grand scheme of your life. You're never going to SEE most of these people again after this year. And their opinions? Their opinions can't hurt you unless you let them, you know?"

Dean looked at the ground. "I know. And I'm coming to realize that, but... I don't think I'm good enough for Cas, man. I mean, you know him, he's special. And I'm... well, I'm a jerk and I'll just keep making things worse for him. I fuck everything up, Michael, ya know?"

Michael rolled his eyes. "Okay, Dean. This pity parade you're marching in and all this teenage angst? It's gotta stop. It doesn't matter if you think you're good enough for Cas or not. Cas gets to decide what's good enough for him, not you. And if you go into everything thinking you'll fuck it up, how can you expect yourself not to? Really, Dean, you've got to let yourself have nice things. You can't just punish yourself because you think you deserve it. How are you going to have a happy life if you do that, Dean?"

Dean thought about that. Damn Novak had a good point.

"Look, Dean," Michael said, moving to lean against the wall beside Dean. "Cas hasn't been doing well. Now, he'd be pissed as hell if he knew I was telling you this, but I'm telling you anyway because I want you to stop being a moron and help him."

Dean gulped.

Michael sighed. "I know I'm supposed to be an adult here and I'm supposed to know what to do and I should know how to take care of my brother, but I don't. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard but it's just goddamn difficult. He's so sad and I can't fucking fix it, you know? He was so happy when he was with you. I hadn't seen him like that in ages, Dean. But now he sits sadly and silently in his room all of the time. He's expressionless. He doesn't eat unless I practically shove food down his throat and he has razor blades hidden all over his room that I keep trying to take away. It never works though because every day there are new cuts on his arms and it just really breaks my heart, Dean. And I'm scared. I can't lose him."

Michael's voice broke and he looked down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs.

Dean cleared his throat. "It's really that bad?" he asked sadly.

Michael nodded. "Look, Dean, just try. I think he really needs you to try, you know?"

Dean nodded and opened his mouth when the conversation was interrupted by a bunch of anxious yells from the gym.

Michael winced and hurried to investigate the commotion, Dean at his heels. The students were all crowded in a circle, staring at something and chattering nervously.

"Hey!" Michael said, shoving his way through the herd to see the spectacle. "What's goin on here?"

"Benny fell and I think he twisted his ankle!"

Michael kneeled down next to a guy on the ground in the center of the crowd. "Alright, guys, get back to your game, and careful!" he called to the room at large. Then he quietly addressed Benny. "Benny, you alright, man?"

Benny winced and nodded. "Yes sir," he answered in a thick, relaxed southern accent. "I think I might have just twisted my ankle a bit, not big deal."

"Alright," Michael said, concern etched in his features. "You wanna try to stand up?"

Benny nodded and attempted to rise, only to crumble back to the ground with a grunt of pain.

"Huh," Benny chuckled, slightly out of breath. "Maybe it's worse than I thought."

Michael smiled sympathetically. "Dean? Will you help me help Benny up?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, sure, of course."

Michael, Dean, and Benny worked together to get Benny on his feet and to the bleachers.

"Does it feel any better after walking?" Dean asked after helping Benny down to a sitting position. "Or does it feel broken."

Benny winced and rubbed at the offending ankle. "I think it might be dislocated."

Michael looked worried. "That certainly doesn't sound good," he muttered distractedly to himself, running a finger through his hair. "You're taking it like a pro, though, Benny."

Dean smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Thanks," Benny said in his thick southern drawl, with an eye roll for added effect.

"Look, Dean, do you mind helping Benny down to the school nurse?" Michael asked.

"Of course," Dean said. "No problem."

He clapped Michael on the shoulder and smiled at him encouragingly before putting Benny's arm around his shoulders and helping him up. "There we go, buddy. Sorry about the pain, I've hurt my ankle before so I know the feel." He gave Benny a sympathetic expression.

"Thanks," Benny said as they hobbled through the gym door and down the hall to the school nurse's office. "It's nothin new, I've hurt myself before. Still sucks though."

Dean chuckled. "I know, man, I know."

"So," Benny said in between attempts to mask his grunts of pain. "You know the new coach?"

"Yeah," Dean said, swallowing. "You know the Novaks? They're new this year. Cas, Gabe, and Anna? He's their older brother."

"Oh," Benny said. "Aren't you and Cas, like, together or something?"

Dean flushed. "Look, man, I -"

"Hey," Benny said, chuckling light-heartedly. "It don't matter to me either way. To each his own, I figure." Benny shrugged. "Plus, if guys like you are batting for the other team, that means more chicks for me, right?" Benny said with a wink.

Dean laughed. "I actually bat for both teams, technically speaking," he said, grinning, surprised at how easy he was finding it to talk about this with this Benny kid. "But I think I'll be taking a timeout for a while. Well after I get Cas back, that is."

"You two aren't together anymore?"

"Nah," Dean said. "I fucked things up."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure it'll work out in the end, though," Benny said kindly.

"Thanks," Dean said sincerely, pulling open the door to the nurse's office.

The nurse was apparently in the back room with another student because the room was empty.

"Awesome," Dean said sarcastically. "I'll wait with you, though. As heart-breaking as missing a few minutes of class is, I think I can make the sacrifice for the sake of giving you some delightful company."

Benny laughed at Dean's cheeky grin. "You're a strange one, Winchester."

"Yeah, but I'm adorable."

A few minutes actually turned out to be an hour. The hour flew by, though, and Benny mostly forgot about the pain in his ankle because it turned out that Dean and Benny had a lot in common and they talked excitedly non-stop the whole sixty minutes.

Dean wondered why he'd never had friends before this year, because it turned out he was actually really enjoying this whole friend thing. Cas had been awesome, obviously, and Dean fully intended on having Cas back in his life. Garth was hysterical and kind-hearted and Dean found himself laughing much more often with Garth around. Now he was forming an easy friendship with Benny, the two of them talking about the awesome music that they both adored and classic cars and these computer games about war strategy that Dean could never find anyone else to talk to about.

By the time the nurse came in, the two of them already had dozens of inside jokes and they knew enough about each other's personal lives to have some quality black-mail material. Not that Dean anticipated needing it, but it was nice to have in the back of his mind just in case.

Since the school day was about to be over anyway, Dean waited for Benny while the nurse checked him out and wrapped his ankle. She supplied him with crutches and informed him that he was lucky she knew her stuff because she'd fixed it right up and he would be good as new in no time.

The nurse disappeared into the other room when the final bell rang and Benny and Dean opted to wait in the nurse's office until the crowd dispersed, since Benny was crippled now.

The two of them quickly went back to their conversation about which race in Lord of the Rings was a better fighter: elves or dwarves (elves, clearly, duh, I mean have you seen Legolas? Totally a badass in Dean's opinion), when the door opened a crack and Garth stuck his head in with a loud "psssssst, Dean!"

"Hey, Garth!" Dean said, in a better mood than he'd been since he and Cas split. "Benny, have you met Garth?"

"No, I don't think so," Benny replied, staring at Garth apprehensively as he slunk into the nurse's office.

"I'm Garth Fitzgerald IV," Garth said brightly, shaking Benny's hand enthusiastically. "I'm Dean's bestie," Garth explained, glowing with pride.

Dean tried and failed to suppress a small smile and Benny chuckled. "Good for you. I'm Benny. I'm Dean's friend too, but we kind of just met today."

"I know who you are," Garth said. "And I'm sorry about you dislocating your ankle in gym class. That's a real bummer. So, fellow friend of Dean's, do you know about Cas?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh god, Garth, please tell me you're not trying to get Benny involved in Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT?"

"Operation what?" Benny asked, equal parts amused and apprehensive.

"Operation Get Cas And Dean Together So They Can Live Happily Ever After And Attend Gay Pride Parades And Shit And Generally Be Adorable Together," Garth said, as if this was the most normal conversation in the world.

Benny threw Dean an exasperated look, which Dean responded to with a small smile and a shrug. Garth was awesome, and as weird as this shit was, this was hilarious and therefore totally worth it in Dean's opinion.

Benny seemed to agree. "That sounds like a kickass operation," he said to Garth.

Garth beamed. "I know right? You're pretty cool, Benny Boy. Wanna be co-besties with me and Dean?"

"Who wouldn't?" Benny asked, smiling at Garth's exuberance as he pulled Benny and Dean into a massive hug with surprising strength for such a tiny dude.

"What is my life," Dean muttered to himself. Benny overheard and smirked at him.

"I took the liberty of retrieving both of your belongings from the locker room so you wouldn't have to make the trip," Garth said when he pulled away from the hug.

He then pulled out both Benny and Dean's gym bags from his backpack.

Benny looked slightly shocked but also impressed and Dean just grinned. "You're, like, creepy awesome Garth."

"I know," Garth said smugly.


It was Friday and Dean didn't want to part with his two new co-besties, so he asked Garth and Benny to crash at his place for the night. Garth answered that he had intended to anyway and Benny was just glad he wouldn't have to hobble home on crutches.

Dean led the two of them to his car, Garth chattering animatedly about the mating rituals of squirrels, which apparently Benny found fascinating.

Sam was leaning against the impala waiting for Dean, when he squinted his eyes in confusion upon seeing the group.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said. "Sorry about the wait. You know Garth already and this is Benny. He's the reason we're late so you can blame him. They're coming over. Benny this is my little bro, Sammy."

Benny glared at Dean. "Sorry about keeping you waiting," he said apologetically.

"No worries," Sam said, an easy smile on his face. "You should know that Dean got my name wrong, though. It's Sam, not Sammy." Sam narrowed his eyes at his older brother.

"Noted," Benny said as Sam helped him drop his bag and books into the backseat. "Thanks, man."

"Sure," Sam said. "Hey, Garth, long time no see. What's new?"

"Benny is Dean and I's new co-bestie," Garth informed Sam joyously. "He's now our ally in Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT."

"Dude, awesome!" Sam exclaimed as Dean slid into the driver's seat groaning.

Sam and Garth had totally hit it off this morning and had excitedly discussed Dean's love life in great detail. The two of them had come up with the Operation's name together, of course, because Dean's life was just like that.

"You know about Operation GC... uh.. you know about the Operation?" Benny asked.

"Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT," Garth helpfully corrected him. "Of course Sam knows about it. He's a key player in the Mission."

"Yeah, totally," Sam said excitedly, leaning toward the back seat from his spot in the front of the car as Dean drove out of the parking lot contemplating the weirdness that was his life. "I have an agent on the inside."

"An agent on the inside?" Benny prompted, curious.

"Yes," Garth said, nodding seriously beside Benny. "Sam's homosexual lover, Gabriel, is Castiel's brother."

"Garth!" Sam blushed exasperatedly as Dean cackled beside him. "I told you, Gabe is NOT my homosexual lover, Jesus Christ!"

Garth squinted at Sam, "I'm not so sure, Sam."

"Jesus!" Sam huffed as he dramatically turned to face forward again while Dean and Benny laughed and Garth smirked.

Dean smiled to himself and thought that maybe, just maybe, between the four crazy brains in this car, they could figure out a way to make Operation GCADTSTCLHEAAAGPPASAGBAT work.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter :) the next chapter will actually include some Cas/Dean interaction again so stay tuned ;) Please don't hesitate to comment because comments make my soul flutter with joy <3

Next Chapter

A New End Chapter 1

Title: A New End
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: adventure, romance, epicness
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Kevin Tran, Gabriel, Charlie Bradbury, Benny Lafitte, Garth Fitzgerald IV, Adam Milligan
Rating: R
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: I sadly own neither these characters or their universe, although I wish I did because they're spectacular.
Warnings: language, slash, violence, questionable theology
Spoilers: up through season 8 episode 21
Summary: Basically, this is an epic journey that the boys go on that begins right at the end of Season 8 Episode 21 (The Great Escapist). The boys' next goal is to complete the third trial so that they can close the gates of Hell forever but, as usual, they have no idea how to do it. They realize that they won't be able to go at it alone, and based on the prophesies translated by one Kevin Tran, they form a team of seven to storm Hell and complete the third trial. Unfortunately, Naomi and Crowley have other ideas in mind and when Team Free Will 2.0 attempts to do something good, it gets thrown back in their faces and the crew is forced into Naomi and Crowley's own version of the apocalypse.
A/N: This is going to end up being EPICALLY lengthy, I can feel it, but hopefully I will be updating fairly regularly! Please comment if you have any sort of opinion at all about the story so far because comments make me happier than Dean Winchester in a pie shop with strippers. Oh yes.

Chapter 1

Whenever Dean is cruising back to the bat cave in his baby after having a chat with a prophet and the scribe of God, one of the things that is definitely not on his list of "the expected" is seeing a bleeding Angel of The Lord in a trench coat lying in the middle of the road.

Even from a distance, as soon as Dean saw the outline of a trench coat, he just knew in his gut that this was Castiel.

A million thoughts ran through Dean's head at once. "You fucker, I've been praying to you for weeks and NOW you fucking show up?" "Holy shit, what happened to him, angels shouldn't be covered in blood and lying in the middle of the road, waiting for death." "Wait, is he even himself? Last time I checked, he was Heaven's bitch and he was trying to kill me." "Oh SHIT I need to hit the brakes now before I run him over."

Dean slammed the impala to a stop just before he turned his best friend into an angel pancake. Seeing Cas up close, his injuries were worse than Dean had assumed. He looked awful.

Dean clamored out of the car. "CAS!" he yelled, staring in shock at his currently broken angel.

"A little help here," was Castiel's snarky reply.

Dean didn't even have time to feel a surge of pride for his angel's recently acquired proficiency with sarcasm before he was leaping forward to help Cas into his baby. Dean felt Sam appear on the other side of Cas and the two of them carefully and quickly helped the angel into the backseat of the impala.

For once, Dean didn't even care if blood got on the seat.

"Hang in there, Cas, we've got you. The batcave is just a few miles down the road. It's okay, Cas, we'll take care of you. Come on, Cas, just stay with us, man." The two Winchesters kept up a steady stream of encouraging commentary as they rushed the angel to safety.

As Dean peeled down the road at 110 mph, he peeked in the rear view mirror and saw Castiel's head nodding, barely clinging to consciousness. He exchanged a panicked look with Sam before urging his baby up to 120.

When they finally made it home after what seemed like an eternity, Dean flung open his car door and sped to get Cas out of the back seat and into the safety of the bunker where he could fix him.

Jimmy Novak had been a fairly little dude, so Dean had no problem gathering Castiel up in his arms and carrying him through the door that Sam had helpfully opened bridal style.

Sam hurriedly surged ahead of Dean, grabbing first aid supplies and clearing the path to Dean's room.

"Shit, he's lost a ton of blood," Sam said worriedly as Dean gently laid Castiel down on his bed.

Sam hurriedly stripped off Castiel's coat, jacket, shirt, tie, and undershirt, exposing the gaping wound while Dean nudged at Cas and tried to urge him to stay conscious.

"Cas, man, I know it's hard, but you gotta stay with us. I dunno why your angel mojo isn't working, but we can fix this the human way alright? Just stay with us. We've got you, buddy."

Sam's hands were shaky as he tried to clean the wound but he was weak and he wasn't doing a very good job.

"Let me," Dean snapped. "You just talk to him, okay?"

Sam nodded and shoved the first aid supplies at Dean obediently.

Sam nudged Cas's shoulder and muttered to him while Dean quickly tended to the gaping hole in Castiel's stomach. "Hey, Cas, you with us? Don't worry, Dean's really good at this. He'll have you fixed up brand new in no time. You're in good hands, man." As Castiel winced in pain, Sam squeezed his shoulder. "I know, man, I know it hurts, but don't think about it. It'll be over soon, I promise. Look, let's talk about something else, yeah? Just listen to me. I don't know what's been going on with you but I'm sure you had your reasons for being away from Dean these last few weeks. But we've missed you, man. We're glad you're back and we're gonna take care of you, Cas. You're family. You're like our brother. Anyway, we found Metatron and Kevin's been working on translating the tablet. We figured out the third task so that's pretty good news, I'd say."

Dean blessed his brother's soothing voice and calming tone as Castiel relaxed and began to breathe easier as Dean began stitching up his now disinfected wound.

Castiel seemed to have a firm hold on consciousness now and he inhaled a shaky breath before rasping, "Thank you, Sam. Dean."

Sam smiled and squeezed his shoulder, "No problem, man. This is what family is for."

Dean grunted and forced a smile onto his own face, which was hard because Castiel's stomach was really disturbing. "Yeah, Cas, buddy. You've saved our asses more times than we can count, so we're always happy to return the favor."

Castiel smiled a small, grateful smile and let out a small cough.

"Hey, Sammy?" Dean said as he carefully and precisely stitched up his angel's torn abdomen. "Get Cas some water, will ya? His voice sounds painful."

"Sure," Sam said, nodding, before squeezing Castiel's shoulder again and inelegantly padding out of Dean's room.

"Dean," Castiel croaked. "I -"

"Shh, man, hang on, it's okay," Dean interrupted. "It sounds kind of torturous for you to talk at the moment and I'm concentrating on fixing you so whatever it is can wait a bit, okay?"

He saw Castiel nod out of the corner of his eye and he was aware of Castiel staring intently at him as he stitched up the angel's stomach.

"Here, Cas," Sam said, rushing into the room and sloshing a glass of water everywhere.

Castiel took the glass and raised it to his lips, drinking the whole thing in one go. "Thank you, Sam," he said when he was through.

Sam tried to hide a smirk. "No problem, Cas."

Dean was almost done stitching up Castiel's gashes and he was kind of proud of his work. In another life, he totally could have been a doctor. Like Dr. Sexy, he thought, smiling to himself. Only sexier.

"Sammy, will you grab Cas some clean clothes to put on out of my dresser there?"

"Sure," Sam nodded, getting up on his shaky legs and knocking into the night stand in the process. "Sorry," he muttered before hurrying over to Dean's dresser and pulling out a tshirt and sweatpants.

"Sam, go take a bath or something and then get to bed, man, I've got this," Dean said, giving his brother a firm, concerned look. He trusted his brother to take care of himself even though the trials were clearly having a bad effect on him, but still, there was no reason for Sam to exert himself fussing over Cas when he obviously was having his own issues.

"Okay," Sam said quietly, smiling apologetically at Cas. "It's been a long day," he explained. "I'll see you in the morning, Cas."

Sam left and Dean silently finished up stitching the angel's torso. When he was finished he methodically cleaned the area again and motioned for Castiel to sit up so he could wrap some gauze around his stomach.

Castiel was staring at him so intently that he began to feel awkward so he cleared his throat and broke the silence. "So, what's been going on with you? I've been praying, but-"

"I know, Dean, and I'm sorry."

Dean looked up and met Castiel's eyes. His sapphire gaze was so intense, Dean couldn't help but infer that he was apologizing for something more than just ignoring Dean's calls.

"Yeah, okay. So, um, why haven't you been around?"

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes. Dean stared at him, waiting.

"Dean, when I obtained the angel tablet, it broke my connection with Naomi and I knew that it was vitally important. I knew that I had to protect the tablet at all costs. I didn't want to leave you and I'm sorry that I had to. I'm sorry about everything that happened while Naomi was manipulating my actions. I'm sorry for -"

The angel's voice broke. Dean cleared his throat and uncomfortably squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Listen, Cas, it's cool. I get it."

Castiel glared at him with a look of pure angel smite-y-ness. "Let me finish, Dean."

Dean raised his hands in surrender as Castiel pressed on. "I'm sorry for trying to kill you. I'm sorry for not being there when you called. I'm sorry for not being a good friend to you. I'm sorry for abandoning you in Purgatory. I'm sorry for not leaving Purgatory with you. I'm sorry for trying to become God. I'm sorry for hurting Sam. I'm sorry for becoming a monster. I'm sorry for releasing Leviathan into the world. I'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for everything."

Castiel had said all of those sorries softly to his hands on his lap, refusing to look at Dean. He looked up and met Dean's eyes when he was through. Dean had never seen the angel look so humble before, so human.

Dean sighed, "Cas, we've already forgiven you. Dude, have you met me? Have you met Sam? We've all had our share of epic screw-ups but we always forgive each other because we're family, man. Stop beating yourself up about shit that you can't change. You're our best friend, Cas, we're just happy you're here now and you're okay, ya know? So how about we close the curtain on this chick flick moment, pretend it never happened, and have a manly discussion about what's been going on with you since I saw you last."

Castiel's lips curled into a small smile. "Thank you, Dean."

"Sure," Dean grunted. "So, what happened after you skidaddled with the tablet?"

"After I... skidaddled, as you say, I hid the tablet inside of myself and I used quantum physics to cloak my whereabouts from Naomi and her followers."

"Woah, wait, what? Like, inside of yourself... like..." Dean gaped at Castiel's stomach. "Dude, that's so badass that I'm going to let the nerdy physics crap in that sentence slide."

Castiel gave Dean a fairly accurate impersonation of Sam's bitchface before continuing. "Unfortunately, Naomi used my unangelic concern for humanity to capture me."

Dean let the fact that a concern for humanity is apparently unangelic resonate in his head bitterly for a second before prompting Cas to continue. "And then?"

"She attempted to force me to divulge the whereabouts of the tablet to her, which I refused. Then Crowley showed up, thanks to one of Naomi's angels being a double agent, I believe you would say. Naomi ran away and Crowley shot me with a bullet made from a melted down angel blade." Dean's eyes widened at this. "I begin to weaken gradually after this as Crowley attempted to discover the whereabouts of the tablet. Unfortunately, he is more clever than Naomi, and he deduced that the tablet was hidden in my abdomen. He took it, then he left."

"Damn," Dean muttered. "How are you still here, man?"

"I managed to dislodge the bullet and use it to kill Naomi's traitorous angel, clearing the path for my escape. I only just had the grace left to cling to our connection and fly myself to you. Unfortunately, I must wait for my grace to heal now, which may take a while. It has been seriously compromised."

"Oh," Dean said, somewhat at a loss for words. "Wait, we have a connection?"

Castiel tilted his head and looked at Dean curiously. "Of course, Dean, I raised you from perdition."

"So, wait, do you have a connection with Sam? Didn't you raise him from perdition too?"

Castiel shifted uncomfortably. "Well that wasn't quite the same. Sam was not damned to Hell as you were. He was in the cage, which is not even a part of Hell proper. Sam Winchester was not even dead, so he was still existing on the mortal plane, whereas you were on the metaphysical plane. When I raised you, I raised your soul. I tucked your soul inside of my grace and fought your way out of the many layers of Hell myself. With Sam, I simply appeared and 'mojo'd' his body out of the cage. If you recall, I didn't even come into contact with his soul."

Dean blinked. "So you're saying, you're like... connected to my soul?"

Castiel looked at his hands on his laps, fidgeting. The goddamn angel of the lord was actually FIDGETING. What the hell? "Well, you see, when I took your soul within my grace to raise you, it came into contact with my own soul. Angels have souls just as people do, you see, and an angel's grace envelops his soul, protecting him. I... cradled your soul so... protectively that it retreated so far into my grace that it met my soul, which... should not have happened."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Why not?"

"Because when that happens, the souls each absorb small pieces of each other," Castiel muttered.

Dean gaped. "So what you're saying is... we have a piece of each other's freakin souls? What does that even mean?"

Castiel sighed, exasperated. "It doesn't MEAN anything, Dean. It has never been known to happen in this situation before and, as far as I can tell, the only side effects include us being more attuned to each other than normal."

"Oh..." Dean said, still in a minor state of shock. "So that's what you mean by profound bond, then, huh?"

Castiel nodded. "It also explains why you were able to locate me in Purgatory despite my best efforts and also why you held to the belief that I was still alive after the Leviathans were released and I became Emmanuel."

Dean considered it. It made sense. "So that's never happened with an angel before, huh?"

Cas shook his head.

"What about with humans?"

Castiel blushed and lowered his eyes again. "Well, you see, with humans... when humans are first created, in heaven... their souls are crafted individually and uniquely by a certain class of angels. These angels, they work together and they determine who will be... important in the life of each soul. For example, when the souls of John Winchester and Mary Campbell were created, the angels knew that they would be very important to each other."

Dean was confused. "Okay?"

Castiel shifted his weight. "Well, before the soul is placed inside of the mother's womb, the angels... modify it to indicate the people who will shape that soul."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Can you just explain this in simple terms because I am so lost, dude."

Castiel sighed. "Okay, Dean, everyone has a soul, you are aware?"

Dean nodded. "Yes, I got that."

"And a person's soul is the essence of who he is. The body is merely a house for the soul. Actually, the body is a manifestation of the soul. So what I see with angelic eyes when I look upon your soul is the same as what humans see when they look at your body. Same thing, different plane of existence."

Dean's eyes squinted a little at that. "Wait, hold on. So basically you're saying I'm a sexy son of a bitch because my soul is a sexy son of a bitch?"

Castiel glared at him in annoyance. "Not exactly. Standards of attractiveness vary from being to being, from generation to generation, etc. The appearance of a soul and it's body are more than just a level of attractiveness. The human body manifestation is a much simpler version of how a soul looks on the metaphysical plane. But, yes, you do have a very vibrant soul, very eye-catching, which translates, I suppose, into your above average attractiveness to the human eye."

Dean smirked. "Cas, did you just call me attractive?"

Castiel threw him his best smite-y bitchface.

Dean rolled his eyes. "How does that work with vessels, though? Like, you said that angels have souls, but when they take on human bodies, they're using other people's bodies. So they don't get a physical manifestation of their souls or whatever?"

"Not the same way humans do, no. But an angel's true vessel, like Jimmy is to me, share souls very similar to one another. Obviously, they're not identical, but if I were to be human, I would look almost identical to Jimmy Novak. But if you compared our souls side by side, you would be able to pick out distinct differences. The physical plane is less specific than the metaphysical one."

"Huh," Dean said, intrigued. "This is kinda off topic though. What exactly does this have to do with you and me and our souls and profound bond and what not?"

"Well, when the soul is first formed in heaven, it is purely and completely YOUR essence. However, before the soul gets sent down to Earth, the angels reconstruct the souls to give people the bonds they share in life."

"I don't follow."

"Okay, take John Winchester's soul for example. The angels first formed it, and it was completely John Winchester. But before they sent the soul into the womb of John's mother, they took pieces of his soul off and exchanged them with the pieces of a few other souls. They exchanged a piece with Mary Campbell's soul, and also one with Sam Winchester's soul, Bobby Singer's soul, Adam Milligan's soul, and your own soul."

"Wait, I have a piece of my Dad's soul?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes. And also a piece of Sam's, your mother's, Bobby's, Charlie Bradbury's, your friend Benny's, and... mine."

"So all of the people that we... exchange soul pieces with or whatever... are people who are important to us? People who shape our lives?"

"Yes. That is part of what makes humans so different from angels. Angels don't grow attached to one another. They don't love. They don't learn from others. Angels don't exchange soul pieces with other beings."

"... Except for you?"


"Huh," Dean muttered.

"On an unrelated note, I learned something from Naomi that you may also find interesting," Cas said.


"She admitted to controlling the minds of the angels for a very long time. I'm not even sure what this means, Dean. She shouldn't even be able to do this. She's not the most powerful angel. She's not an archangel. But she's been doing it. And apparently I have been rebelling for years and I have had my memory cleared multiple times. This time, I seem to have evaded her before she could do so again, however."

"Woah," Dean said. "You didn't think to lead with that, Cas? Holy shit, man, that means Naomi has been behind everything. The apocalypse... that was all Naomi. Cas, this is huge."

Castiel nodded. "I know."

Dean smirked. "And apparently, you've been on Team Free Will since way before I was even born. Props, man."

"Thank you," Castiel said, with a small smile.

"Well, man, this has been one deep-ass conversation and you look as exhausted as I feel. You feel up to some sleep?"

Cas contemplated the idea. "That does sound appealing."

Dean smiled. "Here, man, you've still got blood all over your face."

Dean took Castiel's face in his hands and he cleaned up Cas's face, ridding it of sweat and dried blood. "You've got blood all over your pants too. Take your shoes off, then change into these, okay?" Dean said, indicating the clothes that Sam had placed beside Cas earlier. "And don't move too quickly, you've got a lot of stitches in you."

Castiel nodded obediently and Dean turned his back on him while he changed. He dug around in his dresser for something more comfortable for himself and quickly changed, back still to Castiel.

When he turned back around, he found Castiel lying back on the bed, Dean's clothes too big for him, looking utterly exhausted.

"We don't have another bed ready at the moment and I'm pooped, so do you mind if we share tonight?" Dean asked.

"Okay," Castiel said sleepily, his head sinking into the pillow.

Dean smirked and laid down next to him after turning off the light. Before they drifted off to sleep he turned toward Castiel. "Hey, Cas?"

Castiel sleepily opened his startlingly bright blue eyes and faced Dean, "yes, Dean?"

"So you were just... ignoring my prayers because you had no other choice, right? You weren't, like, dissing me or anything?" Dean coughed uncomfortably. "Because Naomi kept saying things about how I was loyal to you and stuff but you didn't feel the same way or whatever, and..."

"Dean," Castiel interrupted. He put his palm to Dean's cheek. "I will always feel the same way. I was not 'dissing' you. Go to sleep, Dean."

Dean nodded and Castiel rolled over and was lightly snoring within seconds. Dean didn't even have time to think about the fact that it might be weird to be sharing a bed with Castiel before he was asleep too.
Title: We're Stuck Inside this Salted Earth Together
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: end!verse, romance, angst
Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Dean/OC, Castiel/OC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 17,769
Disclaimer: I sadly own neither these characters or their universe
Warnings: slash, angst, drug use, major character death, general sadness, language, sex, rape, non-con
Spoilers: up to season 5 episode 4
Summary: This is the story of how Dean and Castiel became the characters we see in "The End." Only this time, no 2009!Dean shows up. This is their future and their present. They are stuck with it. This is the story of Dean and Cas's final years on a dying planet. It's a sad, end of the world love story.
A/N: This was supposed to be short, but alas, that is no longer the case. :P please please comment because I live for feedback! This verse will end up being three parts total.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3

October 15, 2009

It was getting colder. Dean could feel it. It wasn't the normal chill of Autumn. It was a deeper cold. A cold that reached your bones. A cold that threatened to snap your bones. A cold that threatened to snap everything.

Dean's phone rang.

"Hello? Cas? That you?"

"Guess again!" a perky voice sang from the other end.

"Zachariah," Dean growled.

"You don't sound very happy to hear me," Zachariah pouted. "I was wondering if you had reconsidered our offer. You have the chance to save the world, you know."

"I know," Dean snarled. "And the way to save the world is not by selling my body to some dick angel so he can blow up half the planet. The answer's no, Zachariah."

"You will regret this, Dean," Zachariah said sorrowfully before Dean hung up and flung his phone against the wall.

December 27, 2009

Castiel stared out the window of the motel room while Dean slept. He was constantly with Dean now to protect him from any unwanted angelic company.

Castiel didn't mind. He liked being with Dean. But it wasn't as easy as it used to be. Times were getting harder. They were always on the run and hiding. They were always changing cell phones and credit cards. They were always looking over their shoulders and sleeping with one eye open.

Figuratively, of course. Castiel was an angel. He didn't need sleep.

Castiel turned abruptly when he sensed another presence flinging itself into the room. He didn't have time to react before Zachariah was standing next to Dean's sleeping form, smiling absently at Castiel.

"Dean," Castiel warned.

Dean sprung to life and whipped a gun out from under his pillow and pointed it at Zachariah. Not that it would do any good, but Castiel applauded Dean's reflexes nonetheless.

"No need to be alarmed," Zachariah said calmly, holding up his hands. "I just came to talk."

"How did you find me?" Dean asked sharply, not lowering his gun.

"I have plenty of human spies, Dean," Zachariah explained slowly. "Nevertheless, it doesn't matter. You know what I came here to ask."

"Yeah and you still know my answer," Dean replied. "Now go."

"Dean, I can't let you keep saying no," Zachariah said tiredly.

"Leave, Zachariah," Castiel growled, stepping forward. "There's nothing for you here."

"Castiel," the other angel said softly. "Surely you can't be so foolish as to believe there's another way this can go. This needs to happen, Castiel. Now if you could encourage your human to cooperate-"

"There's ALWAYS another way," Dean rumbled. He rose from the bed and inched his way toward Castiel. "Get out of here, Zachariah. I'm not gonna ask again."

"Dean, I can't let you get away from me, you understand," Zachariah said, a regretful and falsely sympathetic tone coating his voice.

But Castiel and Dean had been slowly and discreetly inching closer to each other until Castiel was near enough to swiftly touch his fingers to Dean's forehead and fly them to safety.

It looked like they would be staying away from civilization as much as possible now that Zachariah had spies.

April 17, 2010

"Dean, I can't -"

Dean heard Castiel's panicked voice calling to him from the other room in the abandoned cabin.

"Cas, what's wrong? You can't what? Cas?"

"Dean, my grace is... I can't... this wound, Dean, I can't heal it."

Dean looked at the small paper cut on Castiel's index finger.

"Well, Cas, that's not really a huge deal. I mean, it's a cut. It's not gonna kill you, man."

"Dean, you don't understand. My grace is fading. I'm falling, Dean."

Dean's eyes widened.

This was so much bigger than a paper cut.

September 9, 2010

Castiel was sleeping.

Dean stared out the window of the deserted shed they were currently squatting in. Castiel couldn't heal things anymore. He slept. His hair had started to grow.

Dean knew how hard this must be for him. And he knew it was all his fault. Castiel was falling and it was all because Dean couldn't figure out how to save the goddamn world no matter how hard he tried.

They were no closer to finding the colt, Cas was getting more human everyday, and they were constantly on the run lest Zachariah show up and force Dean into saying yes.

Dean sighed and turned to peer at his best friend.

Castiel was still sleeping.

March 29, 2011

Castiel could barely feel his grace.

His whole being used to flow with the electricity of it and now he could only feel a tiny hum near his heart if he concentrated intensely. And concentrating intensely made him tired.

He and Dean had fallen into a routine. They would squat somewhere secluded for a few days, stealing food or hunting animals when they were in wooded areas. After a few days in one place, they would pile into the impala and drive somewhere new.

Castiel could feel Dean losing hope just as surely as he himself was losing his grace.

Castiel ran a hand over his slumbering friend's forehead and wished he still had the ability to gift him with a dreamless sleep.

But there wasn't much that Castiel had left to give at this point.

November 30, 2011

Dean had taught Castiel how to drive. So it was Cas who was at the wheel when their cheap cellphone rang from the space in between them.

They looked warily at each other. They hadn't received a call in over a year.

"Hello?" Dean said hesitantly.


That was a voice Dean had not been expecting.

"How did you get this number?" Dean asked, squeezing his eyes shut.

"It doesn't matter," Sam said. "Dean, I just needed -"

"I can't, Sam. We can't. I'm sorry," Dean said, before snapping the phone shut and flinging it out the window.

Dean felt tears spill over and out onto his cheeks.

Castiel didn't say anything.

They kept driving.

January 4, 2012

Sam Winchester stared at the pitch black sky as he walked along the deserted street in Detroit, Michigan.

Tears streamed down his face as he shouted into the air, "Lucifer! Do you hear me? I say 'yes', alright? I'll be your vessel. Yes."

March 12, 2012

It was getting even colder. If Dean had thought the world was cold two years ago, it was nothing compared to how cold the world was now.

Dean and Castiel were huddled together by a fire in a small clearing in the woods somewhere in the middle of North Carolina.

Dean could feel Cas's humanity. He could see it. He knew there was some angel mojo in him somewhere, but for all intensive purposes, he was human now. He got tired. He got hungry. He got cold. He showed emotion. He was just as human as Dean now.

And it was all Dean's fault.

He felt Cas shiver beside him. He put his arm around the falling angel and tucked the angel's head against the warmth of his own neck. He felt Cas's nose nuzzle against his collarbone.

Dean tried not to think of this as cuddling but, well, it kind of was. And they did this a lot now.

The world was so fucking cold.

Dean and Castiel had gotten close these last few years. Cas was falling and Dean was there to teach him how to be human. Dean was falling in a more figurative way and Cas was there to keep his chin up and his heart light.

Cas wasn't Sam and Dean missed Sam, but Dean didn't need Sam right now. He and Sam couldn't do this together.

As it was, Cas was the best thing Dean could hope for right now.

He didn't even know why Cas was still here with him. Dean had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but Cas was following him anyway. He could've tapped out a long time ago, but he chose Dean and, for that, Dean was infinitely grateful.

Dean rested his chin on Cas's head and stroked Cas's arm with his fingers. He felt Cas sigh.


"Yeah, Cas?"

"The world feels wrong."

Dean chuckled humorlessly. "Well yeah. When did you figure that one out, Sherlock?"

Cas shook his head and shifted up to look Dean in the eye. "No, I mean, more wrong. These last couple months... it feels like it's coming to an end. Really soon."

Dean frowned and looked up at the sky. "How do you think it'll end? Fire and brimstone? Zombies?"

Cas followed his lead and peered at the stars as well. "Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire."

Dean quirked his eyebrow. "That a Bible verse or something?"

Cas smiled and shook his head. "No. Robert Frost."

Dean nodded. "Ah. Do you agree with him? About the fire?"

Cas sighed. "It's a metaphor, Dean. Frost meant that people's passions are like a fire and it destroys them. He means that people's feelings and desires are what really turns the world in the wrong direction."

Dean furrowed his brow. "Yeah? What do you think?"

Cas tilted his head and turned his eyes away from the sky in favor of looking at Dean instead. "I think human passions are the only thing keeping the world from ending."

"Do you think I can stop this, Cas?"

"I don't know, Dean. But I know we'll try."


Dean and Cas both sprung into action as a figure appeared before them on the other side of their fire. In less than a second, Zachariah had two guns pointing at him.

"How did you find me?" Dean asked icily.

"It doesn't matter," Zachariah replied. Dean detected a slouch in Zachariah's posture and a dimming in his eyes that he had never seen before. "This is the last time you boys will be seeing me. I've come to ask you one more time, Dean. Will you or will you not save your world and allow Michael to use your body as a vessel?"

"Can't you take a hint?" Dean hissed. "The answer's no."

Zachariah sighed.

"Zachariah," Castiel said. "What do you mean 'this is the last time we'll be seeing you'? Is heaven giving up?"

"We're just being reasonable, Castiel," Zachariah sighed. "Dean is clearly not up to the role and Lucifer has already inhabited his vessel and the world is fading."

"Wait," Dean said. "Lucifer's vessel? You mean..."

"Sam Winchester, yes," Zachariah said softly. "Two months and eight days ago. In Detroit."

Dean felt his heart clench. He felt his lungs collapse. He felt his brain jolt.

"Doesn't change anything," he said, blinking back tears. "Now scram. I'll be glad if I never see your feathery ass again."

"Goodbye, Dean," Zachariah murmured, before disappearing from the clearing.

Dean felt Castiel's arm around him and all he could think of was Zachariah's face. It was a wary face. If the angels were giving up, how did Dean stand any kind of fighting chance in this war?

Dean shivered.

God, the world was fucking cold these days.

June 21, 2012

Even though Castiel could barely feel his grace, he could still tap into what little he had left if he tried really hard. He used to be able to feel the wings of his brothers and sisters soaring around on earth whenever he cared to listen.

Today when he peered into his grace, he heard silence.

"Dean," Castiel murmured into the darkness in the backseat of the impala where they were both attempting sleep.


"The angels are gone."

September 10, 2012

When Castiel felt confident that the angels weren't going to come for Dean anymore, they decided to venture back to civilization and see what state the world was in. So they headed for the nearest city: Chicago.

They drove into the city and nothing seemed out of the ordinary other than the deafening chill that had inhabited the world lately.

They drove around a bit then checked themselves into a motel. It was late. Dean flung his duffle bag on the floor and collapsed onto a bed.

Castiel contemplated the other bed but it was cold so he crawled next to Dean instead. Dean didn't object.

Castiel woke up the next morning burrowed comfortably against Dean's side. For the first time in days, he felt warm. He felt Dean's legs twisted around his own and Dean's arms forming protection against the rest of the world.

Castiel sighed contentedly and pressed a soft kiss to Dean's warm neck.

He didn't know why. He just did it.

Castiel startled when he heard a scream coming from outside the motel, on the street. The first scream was followed by many more until the sound was deafening.

Castiel leapt up and felt Dean coming to life right behind him. The two of them clamored to the window and peered through the curtain.

There was a clump of people chasing the rest of the civilians mercilessly. I didn't make sense to Castiel until he watched one human overtake another and viciously maul him. The amount of blood was astounding.

Castiel's eyebrows rose and he and Dean looked at each other.

"Croatoan virus," Dean whispered.

"It's starting."

December 5, 2012

Castiel woke up in the middle of the night feeling light and empty. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, but it was odd.

He stretched and noticed that his back felt strange.

He sat bolt upright and a strangled noise escaped his throat.

His wings.

Dean looked up from a few feet away, where he was keeping watch. "Cas? Everything okay?"

Castiel clamped his hands over his ears and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate and feel his small pool of grace.

He couldn't find it.

It was gone.

So were his wings.

January 19, 2013

Dean had decided that they needed to find Bobby. If anyone would know what to do in a zombie apocalypse-like situation, it would be Bobby.

So he and Cas had clamored into the impala and driven quietly on back roads until they reached Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

Today, Dean finally pulled into Bobby's salvage yard with Cas in tow. After parking, Dean and Cas cautiously got out of the car and grabbed a gun each, warily inching up to Bobby's door, praying he didn't shoot them on sight.

The door flung open before they could reach it and Bobby emerged, holding two pistols, one pointed at Dean and one at Cas.

"Dean? Angel Boy? That really you?"

"Yeah, Bobby, it's us," Dean said, relief washing over him. He'd been so worried that Bobby wouldn't be here.

He and Castiel put their guns down and inched toward the door, where they were abruptly assaulted with holy water.

"Thanks for that," Dean grumbled, smirking in spite of himself at the nonplussed look on Cas's face.

"Sorry," Bobby said. "You can never be to careful. Where you boys been?"

"It's a long story, Bobby," Dean said, as he and Cas collapsed onto the couch together, exhausted.

"I got time," Bobby said, wheeling over. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed how Castiel leaned so comfortably into Dean, but didn't otherwise comment.

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly and nudged Cas over a little bit. "Well, uh, it's been a few years, hasn't it?"

"Damn right it has," Bobby said accusingly.

"Sorry. Thing is, we kinda had to go under the radar. I had angels riding my ass about the whole vessel thing. They were kinda persistent. We had to basically completely cut ourselves off from civilization to keep away. Then Cas here started losing his mojo. About a year ago, Zachariah showed up saying it was gonna be the last time he asked and I still said no. He told me Sam had said yes to Lucifer then he left. A few months ago, we were in Chicago and we saw the Croats. Then we made our way here."

"Sam said yes?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Yeah," Dean said, clearing his throat and looking away.

"And you," Bobby said, nodding at Cas. "You as human as the rest of us now?"

Dean saw Cas shift uncomfortably. "Yes," he said.

Dean remembered the night that Cas had lost the last of his grace and his wings. They didn't talk about it ever again. Cas had cried all night and Dean had been helpless to do anything but hold him and rub soothing circles over Cas's skin with his fingers.

Bobby spared them both a sympathetic look before getting down to business. "Well there's a camp of survivors called Camp Chitaqua a few miles from here. They're pretty clueless and they could use a couple in-the-know brains up there to keep 'em straight. I been helpin 'em, but I ain't quite what I used to be." He gestured toward his wheelchair.

Dean nodded. "Just tell us where it is."

Bobby gave them directions and fed Cas a can of beans because he claimed Cas looked "skinnier than that scrawny kid on that Scooby Doo show."

Then he ushered them both out to the impala. In the doorway, Dean turned and bent down to give Bobby a hug.

"It's good to see you, Bobby."

Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. "You too, son." He glanced over at Cas who was now leaning against the impala and staring up at the sky with his wide and too-bright blue eyes.

Dean realized how different Cas must look to Bobby now. He had lost his old tax accountant get-up somewhere along the way and was now dressed in worn jeans and a jacket similar to Dean's. Everything was too big for him and, yeah, he did look kind of scrawny. His hair had grown in a very haphazard manner and he had a rather scruffy beard thing going on.

Dean felt a strong surge affection for the fallen angel, seeing him standing there staring up at the sky, still with Dean after everything they'd been through.

"You look after your Angel Boy, alright Dean?"

Dean flushed and nodded. "See ya, Bobby."

"A group usually comes up to me for supplies and such every few days, so I better see you boys soon, you hear me?"

"We hear ya," Dean smiled.

He headed to the car and patted Cas's knee when he got there, breaking Cas out of his reverie.

"Come on, buddy, we're going camping."

Cas rolled his eyes and slunk over to the passenger's side, getting in.

And so they drove off to Camp Chitaqua.

March 28, 2013

Adjusting to life at Camp Chitaqua was both easier and harder than Castiel had expected.

It was easier than expected because with Dean's leadership, the group of about 50 (which included, ha, none other than ex-prophet Chuck Shurley - small world) was actually pretty organized. Bobby knew exactly where to send people for supplies and Dean knew exactly how to plan for supply runs. He knew how to train people and he knew how to keep people calm and focused.

It was harder than expected because the realization that Castiel was human was finally settling in. When it was just him and Dean on the road against the world, it hadn't been so bad. He could focus on Dean and his dwindling grace wouldn't seem like that much of a problem. Here, Castiel was realizing that he was just as human and useless as everyone else.

He had to be trained how to fight like a human, just like everyone else. Granted, he learned about ten times faster, but still.

And he really missed things being just him and Dean. It was easy and simple and comfortable. Well, as easy and simple and comfortable as the end of the world can be. It wasn't a fun existence, but it was a doable existence. And it was theirs.

Here at Camp Chitaqua, everyone wanted and needed Dean. And Castiel understood. He knew that they needed a leader, and he knew of no one better suited for the job than Dean Winchester.

But still. He missed having Dean to himself. He missed being able to curl into Dean at night because the world was cold.

And now the world was still cold - maybe even colder than it'd ever been - and he had no one to keep him warm anymore.

Dean didn't have that problem.

Ever since they'd arrived, Dean had a new, pretty bedmate almost every night.

Dean and Castiel shared a cabin, but Dean was never there.

Castiel missed him.

But at least he still had Bobby.

Every time a group of people went up to Bobby's, Castiel made sure he was in that group. Sometimes he even went up there by himself. Bobby had become a friend to him. A good friend.

It was Bobby who showed Castiel that he was in love with Dean.

About a month ago, Castiel had walked into his and Dean's cabin to find Dean in bed with some tiny blonde girl (Kiley maybe? It didn't really matter). The sight had made his heart twinge and his stomach drop and he'd felt saddened, so he had turned around and walked right back through the doorway.

He had shoved his hands into his pockets and stared up at the sky. He had felt tears springing into his eyes and threatening to spill down his cheeks and he hadn't even known why.

He had decided to go down to see Bobby, even though going alone wasn't generally encouraged.

He had figured Dean wouldn't care, though, seeing as he was otherwise occupied.

By the time Castiel had pulled into Bobby's salvage yard, the tears were running down his face. He still didn't know why. It was intriguing. This had never happened before. Not like this. But it hurt. Inside. And he didn't like it.

He had gotten out of the car and rapped the special knock on Bobby's door.

"I wasn't expecting anyone today," Bobby had said, when he opened the door. Then he had caught sight of Castiel's tear-streaked face. "Son, you okay? Is everyone okay? What's wrong?"

"Everything's fine," Castiel had said, wondering why he had come here. "I just - I wanted to be somewhere. That wasn't there."

Bobby's face had softened. "Come in, son."

Castiel had walked in, hands shaking. Bobby had motioned him to sit on the couch and then Bobby had gone into the kitchen. He came back with two beers.

"Now, don't tell anyone I got these. They're from my special stash and if people know I got 'em, they'll want 'em for themselves."

Castiel had smiled. He was growing to notice how Bobby had started to treat him like family. Like the way he treated Sam or Dean.

"So, mind telling me what's got you all bothered?"

Castiel had opened the beer and taken a swig. It had been stronger than he'd remembered. He guessed that had something to do with his newfound humanity.

"I actually don't know. I just saw something and I got upset."

"What did you see?" Bobby had asked, downing his own beer.

Castiel had blushed and shifted uncomfortably. "In our cabin, Dean was making love to a girl and it upset me."

A look of understanding had flitted onto Bobby's face. "Okay, first things first. Cas, we don't say "making love", especially in reference to what Dean does. There's nothing loving about that."

Castiel had cocked his head. "I don't understa-"

Bobby had held up his hand. "Yeah, well I think I do." He had paused. "Do you... did you and Dean ever... were you and Dean ever... did you ever do anything... intimate?"

Castiel had blushed and looked down at the ground while he thought about the question. "No. Nothing sexual, anyway. We used to touch a lot, though."

"Like cuddling?"

"I suppose, yes."

"And you miss that?"

Castiel had thought about it. "Yes. I do."

"Cas, do you... like Dean?"

"Of course I like Dean, Bobby. What do you mean... oh, you mean, like..?"

"I mean, do you love him? Do you think about him all the time? Do you think he's attractive and maybe want to kiss him or somethin? Does he make you happy? Would you do anything for him? Is he the most important thing in the world to you?" Bobby had asked all of these questions like he already knew the answer.

"Yes. Yes, to all of them." Castiel had said.

And that's when Castiel had realized he loved Dean.

And it hurt.

Dean had been furiously throwing himself into the search for the colt lately. When he wasn't intently ignoring the world while doing research, he was fucking whatever girl he happened to be into this week.

Castiel walked into their cabin and was surprised to see Dean lying on the bed, alone.


"Hey, Cas."

Even after everything, they still only had one bed. On those rare occasions when Dean was home at night, they shared it.

Castiel fought the urge to crawl up to Dean right then.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow quizzically at him. "Relaxing. You?"

Castiel smiled and sunk onto the bed next to Dean. "Relaxing."

Dean smiled and stared up at the ceiling. He let a hand drift to Castiel's head and he carded his fingers through Castiel's hair.

Castiel hummed in appreciation. Yes, this. He had missed this.

Castiel's eyes had closed and when he opened them, he found Dean smiling down at him.

"What?" he asked, blushing.

"Nothing," Dean smirked and turned to face the ceiling again.

"I miss you," Castiel blurted.

Dean's fingers paused in Castiel's hair. "What do you mean? I'm here right now."

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. "I mean, I miss when it was just you and me. When we were on the road and we didn't have anyone but each other. When we slept close like this at night because it was cold. When I wasn't so alone all the time."

Castiel felt Dean shift. He looked up and Dean was perched on his elbow, looking down at Castiel intently. "Cas, are you lonely?"

Castiel sighed. "Very."

Dean's fingers resumed their path through Castiel's hair. "You know what you need?"


"A little bit of sex, that's what you need."

Castiel's heart dropped. Not the den of iniquities thing again. If Dean tried to pimp him off to some chick again... unless...? Dean's fingers were trailing along his neck now and making him shiver.

"What are you suggesting?" Castiel asked nervously.

"What do you want me to be suggesting?" Dean asked, smirking.

Castiel cocked his head and Dean laughed.

"You're cute when you do that," Dean whispered, leaning in so that Castiel could count each individual fleck of light in his eyes.

"Do what?" Castiel whispered back.

"That head tilt thing," Dean breathed, moving in until their foreheads were pressed together and his body was almost on top of Castiel's.

Castiel stopped breathing when he felt one of Dean's hands on his hip and Dean's knee sliding between his legs.

"Dean-" Castiel whispered.


Then Dean kissed him. It was just a soft brush of lips against Castiel's but it was unlike anything Castiel had ever felt before.

He didn't really know how to kiss back and he didn't know where to put his hands, but it felt amazing nonetheless.

Dean's hands slid up and down Castiel's sides and his mouth pressed harder, but still gently, against Castiel's, urging his lips open. Castiel complied and gasped when Dean's tongue entered his mouth.

He felt Dean smile against his lips and he used that opportunity to put his own tongue inside Dean's mouth. That elicited a soft groan from Dean.

Castiel breathed and tugged Dean more firmly on top of him, curling his arms around Dean's neck. Their tongues were dancing together and it felt incredible. Castiel chastised himself for not doing this sooner, considering he'd been around for thousands of years.

But then again, he didn't think it'd feel this incredible with someone who wasn't Dean.

"Hey, Dean? I was wondering - oh shit!"

Castiel had barely processed the outside voice before Dean was off of him and shoving him onto the floor.

"Ow!" Castiel exclaimed, indignantly, when he fell off of the bed with a bang.

"Sorry," Dean muttered. "What do you need, Chuck?"

Chuck was resolutely looking anywhere but at Dean or Castiel. His eyes darted around nervously before finally settling on the ceiling. "Well, I was taking inventory and I realized that we were really low on toilet paper and I thought maybe I should tell you but that seems really unimportant now so I'm just going to go but yeah we need toilet paper and that's about it."

"Toilet paper?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, like I said, it was rather unimportant," Chuck said with a small voice.

"Well we'll be sure to pick up some toilet paper on our next supply run," Dean said.

"Yeah, good, okay," Chuck stuttered. He dropped his pen. "Oh, oops, I dropped my pen." He chuckled nervously but when he realized it had rolled over to Castiel and he would probably have to make eye contact in order to retrieve it, he gave up. "You know, actually, you keep it. You never know when a pen will come in handy, right?" He chuckled nervously again before darting out of the cabin.

Dean and Castiel stared speechlessly at him for a second before Dean let out a nervous chuckle of his own. "Well... hey sorry I pushed you onto the floor, Cas."

"Dean, I don't understand what we're doing," Castiel said, looking sadly at the floor.

"Well, we were kissing..." Dean said slowly.

"Yes, I know, but... why are you ashamed?" Castiel met Dean's eyes.

Then Dean dropped his gaze. "Cas, I'm not ashamed, I -"

"I don't understand, Dean. You fuck girls all the time and it's no big deal, then it's me and you finally kiss me after, what, three, four, years? Then you get all uncomfortable about it and what do you even want from me? Why are you kissing me anyway? You can kiss anyone you want and you kissed me? Why would you do that to me? I don't know what you want, Dean."

"Jesus, Cas, chill! What are you flipping out about, man? It was just a kiss, you don't need to over think it, man!"

"Dean, you can't just do this to me. You don't understand. You can't just kiss me and expect it to be okay. You can't just treat me like you treat all the girls you fuck, Dean."

"Who said I was going to?"

"No one had to say it, Dean."

They stared at each other angrily for a few seconds.

"What the fuck is this even about, Cas?"

Castiel shook his head. "If you have to ask, I can't explain it to you, Dean."

Dean huffed and shook his head. "Whatever, Cas. I'm going to Katie's cabin. Don't expect me back tonight."

With that, Dean walked off, leaving Castiel on the floor alone.

Honestly, Castiel didn't even know what had just happened.

Castiel felt tears stinging his eyes as he picked himself up off the floor and stumbled outside. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked in the opposite direction of Katie's cabin.

He wasn't paying attention to where he was going or what he looked like when he almost ran into someone.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

He looked up to see a semi-familiar man with dark hair and crinkly brown eyes looking down at him. His name was Ryan, if Castiel remembered correctly.

"Hey, man, you alright? You look wrecked," the man said.

Yes, Castiel remembered now. His name was definitely Ryan. He helped Chuck with inventory sometimes.

"I am... not alright," Castiel sighed.

Ryan laid a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Man, you don't look so good. Here, come in my cabin."

Castiel let himself be led into Ryan's cabin and deposited onto Ryan's bed. He curled his legs up until he was sitting in somewhat of a crumpled ball. He watched as Ryan sat next to him.

"What's wrong, dude?"

"Nothing, just Dean..."

"Ah, boyfriend trouble," Ryan smirked.

"He's not my boyfriend," Castiel said quietly, shaking his head.

"But you wish he was," Ryan said, sitting too close and staring too intently.

"It doesn't matter," Castiel said, looking away. "He doesn't love me. He just likes fucking people. He's a good man. A very good man. But being human is hard. This wasn't supposed to happen and now I have feelings and I don't know what to do with them."

"I know what you need," Ryan said.

"What?" Castiel asked.

Ryan got up and kneeled next to his bed, pulling something out from underneath it. He brought the box onto the bed and opened it to show Castiel the contents.

Castiel peered in and his gaze was met with a wide collection of drugs. Zolpidem, Dilaudid, Benzodiazepine, Desoxyn, Adderall, Ritalin, OxyContin, Opana, Marijuana, Vicodin, Cocaine. You name it. Ryan had it in that box.

"Aren't drugs dangerous for humans?" Castiel asked curiously.

Ryan shrugged. "Maybe. But it's the end of the world anyway. Plus they make you forget things. They make you happy. You don't need to know what to do with your feelings if you have these. Trust me, Cas, you want these."

Castiel looked at the box and couldn't deny the appeal of Ryan's words. "Yes," he said. "I want some. Give me some, please."

Ryan smiled and set the box back on the floor. "Slow down, sweetie. I can't just give them to you for free."

Castiel's heart sank. "Well, what do you want? I don't have money... I'll give you whatever I have, but I need these, Ryan."

"I know you do," Ryan said softly. He lifted up a hand and stroked Castiel's cheek. Castiel shivered, and not in a good way. "So I'm gonna do you a solid. You do me a favor, I'll let you have the drugs for free."

Castiel's mind flooded with relief. "Good, great, anything!"

Ryan leaned in closer and smiled. He leaned until his lips were against Castiel's ear. Castiel's skin crawled unpleasantly again.

"Have you ever given a blow job, Blue Eyes?"

Castiel leaned back. "What?"

"I take that as a no," Ryan smirked.

Castiel grew wide-eyed. He was pretty sure this wasn't a normal human interaction - trading blow jobs for drugs. But these were the end of times, so what was normal anyway? And if Dean could have sex with whoever he wanted, then why shouldn't Cas give a meaningless blow job?

And he wanted those drugs.

Castiel swallowed. "I haven't. But I'm willing to try."

Ryan grinned and stroked Castiel's cheek. "That's the spirit, Blue Eyes."

Ryan moved toward the head of the bed and pulled Castiel along with him. He laid down flat on his back and pulled his pants and boxers off in one quick motion. Castiel stared at Ryan's already hard cock.

"Come on, get between my legs."

Castiel obeyed and stared at Ryan's penis uncomfortably. Ryan took Castiel's face in his hands and looked into his eyes. "You're so fucking sexy, you know that, Cas?" he whispered seductively.

As uncomfortable as the situation was, that was still nice to hear, so Castiel forced a smile and didn't let himself hesitate before taking the other man into his mouth.

The feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant, but Castiel couldn't see why anyone would want to do this voluntarily. He moved his tongue experimentally along the length of Ryan's dick, causing the other man to twitch.

Ryan's fingers danced erratically through Castiel's hair as he gradually lost control of himself.

Castiel was rather intrigued at the reactions he could illicit with each movement of his tongue and bob of his head.

Soon, Ryan was moaning and thrusting into Castiel's mouth, so Castiel figured he must be doing something right.

Then Ryan's hands forcefully plunged Castiel's head downward as Ryan rocked upward quickly and sporadically into Castiel's mouth and, damn, that was really unpleasant.

And Castiel was not prepared when Ryan came with a shout and a foreign-tasting liquid flooded into Castiel's throat. He choked and sputtered, spitting out half of it and swallowing the rest. It didn't taste terrible, but a little warning might have been nice.

"Sorry, baby," Ryan sighed, ruffling Castiel's hair. "You're damn good at that, though."

"Thank you," Castiel said, wiping at his mouth. "Can I have the drugs now, please?"

"Sure, beautiful," Ryan said. He dug through the box, pulled out a couple of bottles, and handed them over to Castiel. "I think you'll like these. If you want more, you know where to find me." He winked.

Castiel smiled politely and shoved the bottles into his pockets before quickly walking out of the cabin.

He hurriedly made his way back to his own cabin and when he got there, he pulled out a bottle that read Benzodiazepine. He didn't know how many to take so he poured some out onto his palm. He counted 8. They seemed harmless enough so he put them all in his mouth and swallowed.

Next Part
Title: Red Paintings on a Porcelain Canvas
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: Highschool AU, angst, romance
Pairings: Mainly Dean/Castiel but includes many others. Much slash but no incest
Rating: NC17
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own these characters although I wish I did because I love them so dearly.
Warnings: slash, underage, adult content, language, self harm, eating disorders, abuse, mental illness (if you're easily triggered please don't read <3)
Summary: This is a High School AU Dean/Castiel fic. Castiel Novak and his family are new to Lawrence, Kansas and Dean Winchester finds himself drawn to Castiel. Cas and Dean become each other's first real friends, but Dean discovers that Cas has some unsettling secrets.
A/N: This is probably going to be incredibly long as I have so many more ideas that I want to include! This is my first fanfic so please don't judge but I would love constructive criticism and any sort of feedback at all really.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

A/N: Hello, beautiful people! Sorry it's taking so long to update lately. Life happened and I got busy :( But don't worry, I'm still diligently working and I will try to keep getting updates up quickly for you guys.

Sam wasn't completely sure when it happened, how it happened, or WHY it happened, but whenever he walked the school hallways lately, he was constantly harassed by a myriad of starstruck admirers.

"Sam," Ruby whined breathlessly, rushing to catch up to Sam after the final bell. "That was really REALLY awesome the way you knew how to answer that problem in algebra. It was TOTALLY crazy the way you knew how to get x by itself and stuff!"

"Yeah," a girl named Madison wormed her way between Sam and Ruby. "You make math really really hot."

Sam blushed as Ruby, Madison, and two other girls named Jessica and Sarah giggled and nodded.

"Seriously, " Sarah gushed. "I was so impressed when you factored that equation that no one else knew how to factor. Even I was stumped! You're so smart, Sam!"

Sam watched in awe as the girls all gazed at him with starry eyes.

"Yeah, Sam, you make derivatives so sexy. And that ass - DAMN."

Sam blinked in surprise and turned an embarrassingly deep shade of red. He turned around to find that the latest speaker was Gabriel, who was winking suggestively at Sam while wiggling his eyebrows.

Sam smirked and seductively modeled his ass for Gabe. "It is rather nice isn't it?" He grinned at his friend.

The girls rolled their eyes and walked away as Gabriel stared them down.

Sam sighed. "Thanks, man. You know, all the attention was pretty awesome at first, but now it's just getting old. Ruby can't keep her hands off of me and she's hot and all, but dude she's kinda slutty and I don't know where those hands have been, man! Madison is nice sometimes but she's kind of bipolar and she gets super vicious whenever any other girls try to talk to me and I'm not dealing with that! Hell no! Jessica and Sarah are cool but they don't seem to have the courage to act like normal human beings around me. Mostly they just kind of giggle and that got old after the first twelve times."

Gabriel laughed and nonchalantly swung his arm around Sam's shoulders. "No problem, Moosey."

Sam grinned as Gabriel steered him down the hall. Nicknames usually annoyed Sam, but he didn't really mind when it was Gabriel.

"So, Gabe," Sam said with concern. "How's Cas doin?"

Gabriel's face clouded over. "I don't really know. He's... quiet. He's been locking himself in his room lately. I've tried to talk to him but he doesn't really appreciate my efforts. And when I tried to ask him to see his arms and stomach to check for cuts, he threw a book at me."

Sam's face fell. "Has he been eating?"

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah, Michael's making sure he does that. I think Michael might also be monitoring the cutting thing, but I don't really know. I've heard Michael suggesting therapy to Cas, but Cas freaked at that."

"I don't blame him," Sam mused. "I don't think I'd like having to spill my guts to some stuck up shrink either."

Gabriel nodded in agreement then he spotted Castiel at his locker. Sam and Gabe shuffled over to him and leaned onto the lockers on either side of him.

"Hey, Cas!" Gabriel said, a big grin plastered on his face. "We were gonna go get some ice cream. Wanna come?"

Castiel looked at Gabe's hopeful face warily. He looked from Gabe to Sam, who smiled encouragingly. Sam noticed that the spark he used to see in Castiel's eyes was fading, and that worried him.

"I dunno..." Cas muttered.

"Come on, Cas," Sam said imploringly. "It'll be fun!"

He gave Castiel what he hoped was a killer puppy dog face and finally Cas caved.

"Fine," Cas said, a small smile on his face. Sam disappointedly noticed that the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. But it was still a start.

"Excellent!" Gabriel squealed, throwing his arm around Cas's shoulder. "Hurry up, though, geek. We're walkin."

Castiel rolled his eyes and finished methodically transferring books from his locker into his backpack. When he closed his locker, Gabriel started skipping down the now mostly empty hallway toward the door. Sam and Cas exchanged amused looks as they followed.

All three of them stopped in their tracks when a door opened directly in front of them and Dean stepped out.

Sam grimaced. Gabriel's face contorted into one of pure anger.

"Uh, hey, Dean," Sam said quickly, shooting Gabriel a warning look.

"Hey, Sam," Dean said, swallowing uncomfortably. "Gabe," he nodded his head toward Gabriel. His eyes then fell on Castiel. "Hey, Cas," he said softly.

Gabriel shoved his shoulder. "Don't talk to him!"

Castiel's eyes widened and Sam warningly hissed, "Gabe!"

Dean didn't fight back and Sam knew that indicated just how guilty Dean really felt. He knew his brother very well, and he knew that Dean was being a colossal ass to Castiel right now, but he also knew why. And he knew that Dean really did care about Cas a lot. And even though Dean might deserve it, Sam really didn't want Gabe beating him up in the hallway in front of witnesses, including Castiel.

"You really fucking hurt him, you douchebag!" Gabriel growled, invading Dean's personal space and waving an accusatory finger in his face. "You don't just lead someone on like that, you bastard. You can't just fuck with people's feelings just cause you think you're hot shit!"

Dean had the decency to look completely and utterly ashamed, but that didn't seem to phase Gabriel.

Dean's eyes flickered to Castiel's. "Cas, I -"

That's when Gabriel's fist collided with Dean's face. "You don't get to talk to him!"

"Gabe!" Castiel and Sam both shouted.

It was too late, though. Gabriel was wailing on Dean and Dean wasn't even fighting back. Dean took punch after angry punch until Sam hauled Gabriel off of him, Cas watching wide-eyed.

A crowd had started to gather at this point to which Sam yelled, "Alright, move along! Nothing to see here!"

People started to filter away but some still covertly glanced at the foursome.

"Seriously!" Sam yelled. "Get the fuck out of here before I make you!"

At that, everyone cleared out.

Sam released Gabriel and stood between him and Dean. Sam looked pointedly at Gabriel. "Look, I'll see you and Cas later, okay."

Gabriel nodded, still looking angry. "Whatever. Bye, Sam."

With one last glare at Dean, Gabe tossed his arm around Cas and walked away.

Sam wheeled around to face Dean who was grimacing and groaning softly while leaning against the wall, exhausted. His nose was bleeding slightly and he looked defeated.

"What the fuck, Dean?" Sam inquired quietly. "You and I both know you could have knocked Gabriel into next week. You didn't even fight, man. What's going on with you?"

Dean looked up at Sam with what seemed to be a colossal amount of effort. "I've been waiting for him to do that. I wanted it. I needed it. I deserved it, Sam."

Sam looked into his brother's eyes and was concerned to see how dead they looked.

Sam sighed. "Dean, I don't understand. I know how much you like Cas. Being apart like this is hurting both of you. Why don't you just suck it up and take him back?"

"I can't Sam," Dean muttered. "I'm a fucking coward, okay? Besides, I've fucked up too much. He wouldn't want me back now anyway. Not after what I did."

Sam furrowed his brow. "Well, yeah, I mean breaking up with him in a letter and denying your relationship in front of those pricks in the bathroom was a dick move, but I think he'd forgive you if you were willing to put in the effort."

Dean shook his head and closed his eyes. "It's not just that, Sam. I did... something else."

"What did you do?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"If I tell you will you please swear to me not to tell Gabe. EVER."

"Uh, okay..."

Dean's eyes darted around, refusing to meet Sam's.

"I had sex with Anna," Dean muttered almost incoherently.

"You WHAT?" Sam screeched. "Anna as in Castiel's SISTER, Anna?"

Dean closed his eyes and grimaced with a tiny nod of his head.

"What the FUCK, Dean? WHY?"

"She asked me... and I... I was trying to get over Cas. It seemed like a good idea at the time... but it wasn't. Turns out she was just using me anyway. Which is fine because I was using her too, but..."

"How was she using you?" Sam asked.

"Apparently she's a lesbian and she wanted to be sure or something." Dean said, shrugging.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and paced. "This is so fucked up, you know that, right?"

Dean glared at him. "Believe me, Sam, I get that."

Sam stepped toward his brother in what he hoped was an intimidating manner. "Listen to me, Dean. Cas is my friend. I really like him, okay, and you hurt the fuck out of him and in turn also hurt the fuck out of yourself. I don't like seeing you like this and I don't like seeing him like this and I also don't like having my best friend beat you up in the hallway."

"Speaking of," Dean said nonchalantly. "Anything goin on there with you and Gabe? You seem to be getting pretty friendly lately..."

"Don't deflect," Sam growled, shutting Dean up. "We're talking about you and Cas. Now listen. You're going to fix this. I don't care how, but you're going to fix this. You hear me?"

"Sam, were you even listening to me?" Dean huffed. "I CAN'T fix this. I fucked this up so bad, Sam! He's never gonna take me back now, even if I did have the courage to make some big romantic gesture."

"I don't believe that," Sam said shaking his head. "I mean, I know if it were me, I would never take an asshole like you back, but Cas is different. He's special. You two together was special. I don't care how much time it takes, but you're gonna fix this. Okay?"


Dean swallowed. His brother all up in his personal space and intimidating was a new thing. He was kind of proud of him but at the same he was pretty annoyed at himself for letting Sammy get the best of him.

Still, he nodded. "Look, Sam, I'll try. I will. But it might take time, Sam. A lot of time. And I don't even know if it will work, okay man?"

"But you'll try?" Sam was looking at him with those pure, earnest eyes and Dean's heart twinged a bit.

"Yeah, Sammy, I'll try."

Sam nodded and backed out of Dean's space. "Do you love him?"

"I don't know, Sammy," Dean sighed.

A voice in the back of his head insisted that he did, in fact, know and that the answer was YES, he really fucking loved Cas. But at this point, Deam really didn't know how to deal with that voice so he shrugged it off.

Sam sighed and clapped his shoulder before walking off. "I'm gonna see if I can go catch up with Gabe. See you at home, kay?"

"Yeah," Dean said.

He sighed and groaned before trudging over to his locker. He noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye. He furrowed his brow and looked over. He could have sworn that a second ago he saw a person ducking behind the lockers to avoid his gaze.

He shrugged it off as paranoia and began the task of packing up his backpack with all of his homework for the night.

Okay, there was definitely a movement this time. He left his locker and quietly walked over to where he had seen a flash of a small person darting behind the row of lockers.

Just as he was about to round the corner and nab the little shit who was spying on him, said little shit stuck his head out and Dean was met with a skinny, wide-eyed face grinning cheekily up at him.

"Hello," the skinny, little dude chirped.

"Uh, hi," Dean said, confused as hell. The dude didn't even seem phased by the fact that he had been caught spying. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Eavesdropping," the weird kid said with a grin.

Dean was pretty sure he'd seen him around before, but he was a kid that kind of kept to himself. Dean thought he was one of the weird theatre people.

"You know that's really rude, right?" Dean asked, annoyed.

The bizarre dude nodded seriously. "That's why I usually don't get caught. But I wanted you to catch me this time."

Dean paused. "This time?" he asked exasperatedly.

Weird Guy nodded with wide, innocent eyes. "I've been watching you for a long time, Dean. You're my new project."

Dean wasn't nearly as creeped out as he should have been. Sure, this dude was weird as fuck, but in an amusing way. And Dean was pretty impressed with the fact that apparently this guy had been stalking him and he hadn't even known. And he seemed fairly harmless.

"Right. Well, I'm sure you know that's really really weird and creepy. But I'm also sure you don't care. So, mind telling me why I'm your project?"

Weird Guy smiled softly. "Dean, I like to help people. I like to think of myself as a little helping fairy that floats around and sprinkles magic dust on people in need," he said, accompanying his speech with fluttering hand gestures.

Dean blinked. Was this dude for real? "Right. So what do you think your magical happiness dust shit can do for me?" he asked sarcastically.

Weird Guy dramatically sighed and reached to put a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean stared at said hand, disturbed. Weird Guy wasn't phased, though.

"Dean," Weird Guy said earnestly. "You're denying yourself the chance to be happy. And you're denying poor Castiel the chance to be happy as well."

Dean felt himself blushing. "Listen, you don't know-"

"Uh, uh," Weird Guy held a finger up, shushing him. "I'm good at my job, my friend. And I'm going to help you. I do love a good romance. It makes me heart all giddy. I don't usually do this kind of thing face to face. I usually prefer a more behind the scenes method," he mused. "After all, fairies do all of their work in secret," he said seriously.

"Right.." Dean muttered.

"But you looked like you could use a friend." Weird Guy smiled up at him and Dean decided Weird Guy wasn't half bad.

"Alright, Weird Guy, you're in," Dean said, rolling his eyes at how desperate he had become. But he was growing fond of Weird Guy already. Maybe he should learn his name. "Hey, I don't think I know your name?"

"You don't," Weird Guy said cheerfully. He held his hand out for Dean to shake. "The name's Garth. Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth."

Dean grinned, shaking the hand of Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth. "Well, Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth, I hope you like a challenge, because not only is this little match-making task of yours gonna be a bitch, but I'm also kind of a pain in the ass as a friend."

Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth chuckled confidently waving his hand in the air, as if dismissing the matter. "You underestimate my power, young grasshopper." He winked and then sneakily grabbed Dean's phone out of his pocket and programmed his number into it before handing it back to a surprised Dean.

"We're BFFs now, so text me later, loverboy, kay? I need to know all the deets about you and your boy so I can make the magic happen." With another wink and a cheesy solute, Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth sauntered off, leaving Dean equal parts amused and confused.

But Garth Fitzgerald the Fourth was definitely right about at least one thing. Dean did need a friend right now, and he'd take what he could get no matter how weird it was.

A/N: I know I always say this, but I feel obligated to remind you that comments still make me very very happy and I would LOVE you if you told me what you think :)

Next Chapter
Title: Red Paintings on a Porcelain Canvas
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: Highschool AU, angst, romance
Pairings: Mainly Dean/Castiel but includes many others. Much slash but no incest
Rating: NC17
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own these characters although I wish I did because I love them so dearly.
Warnings: slash, underage, adult content, language, self harm, eating disorders, abuse, mental illness (if you're easily triggered please don't read <3)
Summary: This is a High School AU Dean/Castiel fic. Castiel Novak and his family are new to Lawrence, Kansas and Dean Winchester finds himself drawn to Castiel. Cas and Dean become each other's first real friends, but Dean discovers that Cas has some unsettling secrets.
A/N: This is probably going to be incredibly long as I have so many more ideas that I want to include! This is my first fanfic so please don't judge but I would love constructive criticism and any sort of feedback at all really.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

A/N: Hello, lovely people! <3 Sorry, this took a tad longer than I said it would, but please enjoy chapter 18 :)


Castiel walked into Michael's room. He had tried to put this off. It seemed like such a minor concern. But he couldn't put it off anymore.

He missed his cat, Angel. She made him feel better when he was sad and she was still at his old house, probably starving to death.

"Hey, Cas, what's up?" Michael looked up from his laptop, smiling at his little brother.

"I know this sounds dumb..." Castiel began, shuffling his feet. "But I really miss Angel. Can we get her back?"

Michael opened his mouth to answer when he was interrupted by Gabe suddenly bouncing into the room.

"Dude! This is awesome - it's like Mission Impossible! I have been waiting my whole life for this! It'll be like a Secret Agent mission. Guys... we can be CAT BURGLARS!"

Michael rolled his eyes. "Well, with that level of enthusiasm, I'm sure we can manage it." He smiled. "Cas, go grab your sister. See if she wants to come along."

Castiel smiled, relieved, and knocked on his sister's door. "Anna?"

Anna opened the door quickly, large eyes peering up, guarded, at her older brother. "Yes?"

Anna had been acting weird lately. Castiel wasn't at all sure why, and he had no inkling as to what might be bothering her. And she seemed to be acting weirder around him than anyone else.

"We're running back to the old house to see if we can get Angel back. Do you want to come?"

"No thank you," Anna said primly, shutting the door in Castiel's face.

Um, okay.

He headed back to Gabriel and Michael, slightly nervous about going back to their old house.

"Hold on, I've got to change into all black!"

"Gabe, don't be silly. We don't have time for that."

"But it helps me get in character!"

"What character? You're Gabriel Novak. You're yourself."

"No, I'm 'Gabriel Novak, Cat Burglar' tonight."

"Good lord. Fine. Just hurry up," Michael conceded with a sigh.

Gabriel scampered off excitedly as Castiel reentered the room nervously.

"You okay, kiddo?" Michael asked. "Is Anna coming?"

"I'm fine." Castiel assured him. "And no. She's being really odd lately."

"Maybe it's her time of the month?" Michael suggested unhelpfully.

"I don't think PMS lasts for two entire weeks, Michael."

"Well then shit, I dunno. I don't pretend to understand the ways of the jacked up female mind."

Castiel rolled his eyes as Gabriel sauntered in, grinning from ear to ear, clothed in black skinny jeans, a black hoodie, black leather fingerless gloves, a black hat, and black tennis shoes.

"Alright guys. I'm ready to roll."

Michael exchanged an exasperated look with Castiel. "Alright. Get in the car, you buffoon."

Castiel and Michael followed Gabe out to the car and clamored into the front seat. The drive to their old house was quiet. Castiel drummed his fingers against the arm rest nervously.

They pulled up to the house and Castiel thanked whatever God was out there that their father's car was not parked in the driveway. Gabriel, however, was disappointed.

"You mean, we can just walk in there? Not sneaky at all? Well this is a bubble burst."

Michael looked at him exasperatedly. "Are you a moron?"

"Yeah, probably," Gabriel answered with a shrug.

Castiel led the way out of the car and opened the unlocked door. "Wow," he thought to himself. "Our father is clearly not the most intelligent creature when intoxicated."

He entered the house and quickly scanned the area, looking for any sign of his cat. He smelled the delightful aroma of a thoroughly un-scooped litter box and took that as a positive sign.

The house was a mess. Castiel looked around with a heavy heart and tried to focus solely on the task at hand. It was hard, though. There were smashed family photos on the walls and beer bottles everywhere. There was garbage littering the entirety of the floor space and Castiel could see dirty dishes piled up halfway to the ceiling in the kitchen.

Castiel's tensions eased as he heard an excited meow coming from the hallway and he saw a flying ball of white hurling itself toward his leg.

"Hey, Angel, baby," Castiel said, bending down to pet his cat as she purred and rubbed her cheek against his legs and hands.

"Okay, great," Gabe said. "Let's get out of here now."

He seemed considerably less cheerful and excitable now that they were inside the house.

"Yeah," Michael said, looking around grimly. "Mission accomplished, right?"

He patted Gabe on the shoulder and led the way out of the house.

Castiel scooped up Angel and cuddled her close, noting how much weight she had lost, and followed his brothers back to the car.


When the Novak boys pulled into the driveway of their recently acquired home, Castiel saw Anna poised on the front steps, looking troubled.

"Hey, Anna, you okay?" Michael asked, pausing to scrutinize his baby sister before following Gabriel through the doorway.

"Yeah," Anna said, smiling up at him. "Cassy, can I talk to you?"

Castiel was slightly suspicious... Anna only called him Cassy when she was trying to be cute which meant she either wanted something or felt guilty about something.

"Sure," Castiel said cautiously, motioning for Anna to follow him into the house.

Anna popped up and anxiously rolled her fingers together, hovering behind Castiel's shoulder as he headed toward the kitchen.

Castiel pulled out some cat food from a container that Michael had scavenged from their old house. He lovingly petted Angel and scooped some food into a bowl, Angel meowing at him intently while enthusiastically purring.

Castiel smiled and stroked Angel while she happily fed. "So?" he looked up at Anna curiously.

Anna was fidgeting even MORE now and Castiel was starting to feel concerned.

"Anna, what's wrong?"

"Cas.." Anna began.

Castiel could see her fingers curling into anxious little balls and he could see wetness gathering in her eyes.

"Anna?" Castiel rose anxiously and put his hand on Anna's shoulder.

"Castiel, I slept with Dean," Anna blurted, looking determinedly away from Castiel, shame coating her face.

"What?" Castiel's whole body tensed up. He couldn't believe this. No.

"I-" Anna's eyes leaked with tears. "I'm so sorry. I know it was wrong, but I- it was just easy and I needed to... it didn't mean anything, Cas. For either of us. I'm a lesbian and he was thinking of you the entire time. He told me, Cas. Please don't-"

Castiel was already walking out the door.

Darkness had fallen and Castiel stared blearily up at the dark sky tinged with small flecks of brilliant, sparkling light. Oddly, he could barely even feel the utter despair that was clawing at his chest. It was like he was outside of his body and he was a curious onlooker, watching someone become utterly broken instead of experiencing it himself.

This happened sometimes to him. This numbness. Sometimes he just kind of retreated and stopped feeling. You'd think that would be a good thing considering how he had a tendency to feel things such as sadness and depression so strongly.

But this numbness was worse.

Sometimes he felt like his senses were being too overwhelmed. Too much. Just too much. Everything - too much. So much to see, so much to hear, so much to feel... not enough time to take it all in. Not enough energy to feel everything. Too much. Just too much.

That's when the numbness would set in.

Castiel didn't know what to feel. He didn't know what to do. He just looked up at the sky and stared at the stars.

What if the stars just started falling? All of them - all at once? Flashes of brilliant brightness would hurtle toward the earth and, you know, they tell you that light's a good thing, but that - that would be terrifying. Too much light. Too much.

Then the brilliance would explode in your face and it would overwhelm your entire being. Everything you are - it'd be consumed by that cursed light. That light that is supposed to be beautiful and good. You wouldn't care that the light used to be a distant star that was pleasant to look at. Because it would be destroying you. Destroying you - and you'd be dead just like that.

And isn't that what always happens? Something beautiful comes along and you're just in awe but then it destroys you.

It always fucking destroys you.

With that pleasant thought ringing in his mind, Castiel ducked his head and started walking.

He didn't know where, but he just started walking. He found himself toeing the yellow lines in the middle of the road. He held his arms out and tried to pretend he was on a balance beam.

His life depended on this. Stay balanced. Stay on the yellow lines. They were the tightrope and Castiel was the trapeze artist.

Balance. Always stay balanced. Don't get distracted. Don't let anything blow you over. You can't let anything do that. Do you want to go tumbling to your death? No?

Then keep your fucking balance.

Castiel saw the bright lights of a car heading toward him. It was a ways away and he considered waiting to see if the car would knock him off of his tightrope. But he didn't want that control taken away from him.

So he got off his tightrope on his own and got out of the road.

And, gee, there was a time where he would have just let the car run into him. He didn't know when he'd gotten past that but he didn't even feel good about it.

Aren't you supposed to feel proud when you stop feeling suicidal?

Maybe he would if he could make himself feel something.


Anything at all. Castiel stared blankly up at the sky again, thinking about falling stars. He wondered what it would be like - being a falling star. How would it feel?

He didn't think he would be so numb if he were hurtling toward earth at breakneck speed.

At that thought, Castiel broke into a sprint and ran.

He ran in the middle of the street. He ran past houses full of people who were feeling things. They were feeling. How did they do that? Is there a switch that he'd accidentally triggered that made his feelings just leave? Were they dead? Could he get them back?

It was getting harder to breathe now, but he kept running. He realized in the back of his mind that he was barefoot but the thought didn't phase him. He supposed the balls of his feet should be hurting, but he didn't feel it.

He didn't feel anything, after all.

He saw another car coming and so he veered off of the road and into the woods. He stopped running as his eyes tried to adjust to the darkness. He couldn't really see, but he could sense the path - he could sense where the trees were and where they weren't, so he just meandered... unfeeling.

He could hear the rustling of creatures and the chirps of bugs all around him, but he couldn't see anything. Being alone in the woods at night should be terrifying.

But it wasn't.

It wasn't anything.

It just was.

Castiel didn't know where he was going, but he kept walking. He found himself in a clearing and he was greeted by a splash of moonlight.

He paused in his tracks and stared up at the moon with a tilted head. He thought of all those silly stories about a man in the moon. Where did they come from? What if there was really a man up there? And a man on each one of the stars? And the sun? And all that these men wanted to do was shine down on the earth so the humans could look up at something pretty. So the humans could have light.

That's so nice of those men.

But Castiel was sure they must have ulterior motives. I mean, no one does anything without expecting something in return, right? Castiel figured the man on the moon and his friends who lived on the stars were just biding their time, luring the humans into a false sense of security, before they plummeted down to the earth, destroying them all.

The moonlight was reflecting off of a small pond in the clearing and Castiel stared in mesmerized wonder at how the slivers of light danced and sparkled on the surface.

Castiel stepped to the waters edge and tried to catch the light with his fingertips. It was tricky, though. His fingers went right through the crafty little speck of brightness and into the water.

Castiel quickly pulled back his hand and watched the shimmers of light dance. He wanted desperately to catch one, but he didn't want to try anymore.

Water had always scared him. It wasn't consistent. It didn't have form. It was everywhere and nowhere all at once. It was powerful. And he couldn't understand it. It could kill you, if it wanted to. So, naturally, you should want to avoid it, but you can't because you NEED it.

And needing something? Something that can kill you? Something that can hurt you?

That's the type of thing that gets you fucked.

Every. Single. Time.

A/N: As always, I really really REALLY love comments, so please don't be shy ;) Positive, negative, whatever, I'd love to hear what you think :)

Next Chapter
Title: Red Paintings on a Porcelain Canvas
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: Highschool AU, angst, romance
Pairings: Mainly Dean/Castiel but includes many others. Much slash but no incest
Rating: NC17
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own these characters although I wish I did because I love them so dearly.
Warnings: slash, underage, adult content, language, self harm, eating disorders, abuse, mental illness (if you're easily triggered please don't read <3)
Summary: This is a High School AU Dean/Castiel fic. Castiel Novak and his family are new to Lawrence, Kansas and Dean Winchester finds himself drawn to Castiel. Cas and Dean become each other's first real friends, but Dean discovers that Cas has some unsettling secrets.
A/N: This is probably going to be incredibly long as I have so many more ideas that I want to include! This is my first fanfic so please don't judge but I would love constructive criticism and any sort of feedback at all really.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

A/N: So since it took so long to do my last update, here's a quick update now ;)

Dean was trying to be okay. He really was. After all, it was him who had broken up with Cas, not the other way around. He just REALLY missed the guy. A lot. Everything about him. He missed sitting with him listening to music, he missed cruising around with him in the Impala, he missed doing physics homework together, he missed looking at each other's drawings, he missed making fun of Sammy together, he missed kissing him...

Wow he missed kissing him. But it was ironic because if they had never kissed, none of this would be happening right now.

Fuck you, irony.

It had been two weeks since he had broken up with Cas and the Novaks had moved into their own house. Luckily, Dean got reports from Sam who got reports from Gabriel about how Cas was doing. Dean wasn't quite sure he completely trusted Gabe's reports, though. Dean knew that Gabriel loved his brother, but he was sure Gabe wasn't very thorough in looking after Cas.

Dean sighed as he sat in English class, in his new seat far away from Cas. He tried not to stare as Cas walked in, but he couldn't really help it.

Every day that he saw Cas, he tried to get a good look at his face, at his eyes, at his arms, to make sure he looked alright. Unfortunately, Cas was good at hiding things.

Today, Cas looked carefully calm and serene as always, with trench coat on and arms hidden. His eyes were downcast, so as to avoid direct eye contact with anybody. Or maybe just to avoid Dean. Probably the latter.

Dean spent all of English class staring at the back of Castiel's head and cursing society for making him feel bad about liking other guys. He knew it wasn't entirely society's fault; he knew that mostly he was just a dick (Gabriel's string of strongly worded texts and emails to him had made that quite clear), but he cursed society anyway.

After another day of torture was signaled to be over by the sound of the final bell, Dean trudged to his locker. He was quite distracted, however, and found himself slamming straight into a short, red-haired figure, effectively causing both of their belongings to crash to the floor.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Dean muttered, rushing to gather up his and his victim's books.

"It's alright, Dean." Dean looked up into a familiar set of wide, earnest eyes.

"Oh, hey, Anna!" Dean said, recognizing her. "How are you doing?" he asked, rather guiltily.

"I'm quite alright," Anna mused, watching Dean scoop their belongings up from the floor. "Michael is doing a wonderful job looking after us. Things are much better than they were formerly. I haven't had my hair ripped out of my scalp in weeks."

Dean looked up, unsure how to respond to that information. He got no clue from Anna, who was just staring at him with wide eyes and a vacant smile. He coughed and smiled.

"That's great, Anna." Dean begin to walk toward his locker.

Anna followed. "Yes it is great," she nodded. "Gabriel is really unhappy with you, you know."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I gathered. He threatened to rip my balls off in twenty-three different ways. Then he said he was going to make me eat them." Dean shuddered.

Anna nodded. "I believe he's serious."

Dean gulped. "I believe it."

Anna smiled. "I'm not upset with you, though. I understand why you did what you did."

"Do you?" Dean looked up gratefully, if cautiously. If he could have just one Novak on good terms with him, that'd be awesome.

"Yes, I do," Anna said sincerely.

"Thanks, Anna," Dean said, relief flowing through him. Maybe Cas would forgive him eventually too. Maybe. And maybe one day he could live without the fear of his balls being ripped off by a vengeful Gabe. That was the dream.

"Dean," Anna started, looking up at him earnestly.


"Dean..." Anna blushed and looked at the ground. "I like you, you know."

"Yeah, I like you too, Anna."

"No, I mean, I LIKE you," Anna explained, cheeks pink.

"Oh," Dean said, blushing. "Um.. well, thanks.. I mean, you're really pretty.."

Dean was fully aware of how lame he sounded. But, seriously, what do you say to your ex-gay-boyfriend's little sister after you broke her brother's heart and her other brother wants to rip your balls out and you still love the first brother but you're trying not to be gay?

"Thank you," Anna said, smiling. "Would you like to go out sometime?"

Dean was confused. She was aware that this wasn't normal, right? Then again, she WAS pretty. And Dean WAS trying to get over the gay thing. He wouldn't mind doing that with her.

"Sure," Dean said, grinning. "Just don't tell Gabe! Or Cas."

Anna smiled kind of sadly. "I wouldn't."

"Good," Dean said.

He proceeded to give her his number and promised to call her later. She wandered off and Dean was left wondering if he'd just made the biggest mistake in the history of ever.


Later, after Dean had been home for a while, he decided to venture downstairs for a snack. Before he could get into the kitchen, he was accosted by Sam in the doorway.

"Dean!" Sam said, breathless.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said suspiciously. "May I help you?"

"Uh.." Sam stammered. "I have company over..."

"Ooh," Dean winked knowingly. "Is it a girlllll? Is she prettyyyy? Don't worry, I'll be outta your hair in a sec, just want to grab a snack."

Dean moved to shuffle past his little brother, but was again blocked.

"Not exactly," Sam muttered.

"Dean?" a familiar voice called from the kitchen.

Dean glared at his little brother in a mixture of horror and anger. "Sam, you didn't."

Sam only guiltily moved out of the way. Dean walked into the kitchen and was greeted with the sight of none other than Gabriel Novak, the ball-destroyer, cockily leaning against the sink sucking on a lollipop. Dean's hands hovered protectively over his crotch.

Gabriel noticed and smirked. "Hey, Dean-o."

Dean glared at Sam. "I cannot believe you let this asshole into my house."

"It's my house too, Dean, and he's my friend!"

Gabriel smirked cockily.

"Friend?" Dean said, flabbergasted. "He's like the devil's child!"

Gabriel grinned cheekily. "Dean, you flatter me. What can I say, though, my charm is irresistible."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I dunno, I'm resisting it pretty hard."

Gabriel answered with his own eye roll. The two glared icily at each other.

"So," Sam stuttered, uncomfortable. "Let's go up to my room, Gabe."

"Alright," Gabriel said, glaring at Dean as he followed Sam out of the kitchen. As he passed Dean, he leaned in and whispered, "You better keep one hand over your balls at all times, pal. If you hurt my family again, I will end you."

Dean gulped. Awesome.


That evening, after Gabriel had mercifully left, Dean nervously picked up his phone to call Anna. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Anna."

"When would you like to go out?"

"Oh, um," Dean could feel himself blushing. Not that it really mattered, since, well, this was a phone conversation and no one was around to see him behaving like a middle school girl. But still. "What about Friday? We could go see a movie or something."

"I'd like that."

"Alright, sounds good..." Dean trailed off. God, this was awkward.

"Yes, it does sound good."

"Right," Dean stammered. "Well I'm gonna hang up now, if that's alright."

"That's quite alright. I'll see you at school, Dean."

"Yeah, see you, Anna." Dean hung up.

Why the fuck was he doing this, again? Right, because he was trying very hard not to be gay and Anna was an attractive girl who was practically throwing herself at him. Pre-Cas Dean would have been all over this scenario.

So Dean was going to buck up and make himself enjoy this, dammit.


The week went by and ushered in Friday entirely too quickly for Dean's taste. For the entire second half of the day, Dean was twitchy and fidgety. He looked like a spastic monkey. Kind of like the baboon from The Lion King.

He texted Anna after school asking when she would like to be picked up. She requested 5ish, and Dean conceded that 5ish would do.

Dean wandered around his house like a moron until 5ish, having absolutely no idea what to do with himself. When was the last time he had actually been nervous for a date? Try never?

Seriously, what the fuck?

At about 5 minutes to 5:00, Dean finally deemed it an acceptable time to get in his Impala and roll toward the new Novak headquarters. He prayed to God that Anna had the sense to make sure Cas and Gabe weren't home. Preferably Michael wouldn't be home either. Dean didn't want the angry older brother judgment looks right now.

When he got to the small house, he saw no cars in the driveway and he took that as a positive sign. He was sweaty and breathing weirdly when he knocked on the door.

Anna answered promptly and, Dean had to admit, she looked breath-taking. Her hair was settled into flawless waves and she was wearing a very fitted shirt that accented her cleavage along with a short skirt that didn't leave much to the imagination.

"Dean," Anna acknowledged, smiling.

"Anna," Dean stuttered.

"Come in," Anna said, stepping aside.

"You're home alone, right?"

"Yes," Anna replied, smiling coyly. "I'll be home alone all night, actually."

Dean didn't ask why. He just thanked whatever forces were out there from saving him from having to guard his balls this evening.

"So," Anna said, leaning against the wall and looking at him from under heavy eyelashes. "Would you be opposed to skipping the movie and hanging out here instead?"

Dean was conflicted. He really didn't want to. But then again he didn't want to see a movie either. Anna was basically offering her incredibly attractive body up for Dean's pleasure and he wasn't even interested. But he wanted to be. Boy, did he want to be. But he figured, if he was going to force himself to be straight, this was the way to do it.

"Sure, sounds great, Anna," Dean smiled.

Anna returned the smile and slowly walked over to him. She paused for a minute, eyes wide and curious, before her lips crashed into Dean's.

It was interesting. He'd kissed more girls than he could count, but Dean couldn't bring any of those memories into his head. All he could think of was Cas. And how Anna was too small against him and she was all... curves. No muscle. This had never bothered him before but, man, it bothered him now.

Instead of pushing her away, like his heart and mind were telling him to, he deepened the kiss and let Anna tentatively lead him to her bedroom. They quickly fell into a horizontal position on her bed, Dean on top and Anna curling her legs around Dean's thighs.

"Dean," Anna breathed. "I want you... right now."

Dean didn't know what else to do, so he complied. He helped Anna out of her clothes, going through all of the motions that he was so practiced in, but feeling nothing this time around. Seriously, he felt like he was reading a description of someone else having sex, and not even a sexy description at that.

Just so he wouldn't embarrass himself, he forced himself to think of Cas so he would get hard. He tried not to think of how much of a problem that was.

And, just so he could keep going, he found himself keeping on thinking of Cas. The entire time. Seriously, he and Anna were going at it, and she was making some pretty enthusiastic noises, and he was just thinking of all things Cas.

He almost felt bad, but not really.

Dean's head was swimming with images of Cas and he could almost hear Cas's voice and he imagined with all his might that the lips pressed feverishly against his own were Cas's. He was close, and before he registered what he was doing, he breathed, "Cas," as he came.

He came down from his post-orgasm high pretty quickly, realizing what he had said.

This was quite possibly the most awkward moment of his entire existence.

He just kind of laid there, red as a fucking tomato, waiting for Anna to say something.

"Dean, I'm a lesbian."


Okay, that's better than a lot of things he thought Anna might say, but he was sure as hell not expecting that one.

"Yes, I'm sorry," Anna said, looking over at him thoughtfully. "Well, I'm not incredibly sorry, as I'm sure this meant little to you as well. You're obviously still in love with my brother. But I was trying not to be a lesbian... my father would NOT approve... but that sex did nothing for me... you do nothing for me... no offense."

Dean was speechless. But relieved.

"Yeah, me too," he admitted. "I was totally thinking of your brother the whole time."

Anna smiled. "I was thinking if this girl in my biology class."

"Oh really?" Dean said, smirking. "Details?"

"Not yet," Anna said with a smile.

They sat in awkward, but somehow un-awkward at the same time, silence for a bit.

"Anna..." Dean begin.

"Yes, Dean?"

"So you're just... okay?" Dean asked. "With being a lesbian now? It doesn't bother you? What other people think?"

"No, it does," Anna mused. "That's why I've been trying to be straight. But I can't be happy this way. I'm sure of it. So the negative things that come with people's poor judgement are outweighed by the positives of being happy being myself, I think. Does that make sense, Dean?"

Dean thought about it. "It makes sense... in theory..."

"It's really okay if you're not ready, Dean," Anna said, seemingly staring through him, similar to Cas's trademark gaze. "No one's forcing you. But... when you are ready, you will get my brother back and make him happy again, won't you?"

"If he'll take me."

Anna nodded and the two of them laid on the bed in companionable silence, staring at the ceiling. Dean wondered if Anna was aware of how many levels of fucked up this scenario was, but he decided not to ask.

He just stared at the ceiling and wondered what Gabriel would do to his balls if he knew that Dean had also just fucked his baby sister. He winced. Hopefully they could keep this one from Gabe.

A/N: I hope you guys are still enjoying this story! Please leave feedback. If you do I will love you. So. Freaking. Much. That is all <3

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Title: Red Paintings on a Porcelain Canvas
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: Highschool AU, angst, romance
Pairings: Mainly Dean/Castiel but includes many others. Much slash but no incest
Rating: NC17
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own these characters although I wish I did because I love them so dearly.
Warnings: slash, underage, adult content, language, self harm, eating disorders, abuse, mental illness (if you're easily triggered please don't read <3)
Summary: This is a High School AU Dean/Castiel fic. Castiel Novak and his family are new to Lawrence, Kansas and Dean Winchester finds himself drawn to Castiel. Cas and Dean become each other's first real friends, but Dean discovers that Cas has some unsettling secrets.
A/N: This is probably going to be incredibly long as I have so many more ideas that I want to include! This is my first fanfic so please don't judge but I would love constructive criticism and any sort of feedback at all really.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

A/N: Hello, lovelies! Sorry this update took longer than usual, I actually developed a social life over night. It was crazy and fun, but short-lived ;) So, anyway, here is chapter 16!

"He just - he - he was coming onto me man!"

Dean's words rang in Castiel's ears like a thousand gongs all yelling at him at once.

"I'm not a homo, alright!"

Castiel felt like Dean was ripping his heart out of his chest through his throat and flushing it down the toilet.

Dean stormed out of the bathroom and Castiel just stared, still on the ground, at the door and the ghost of Dean's presence.

What had just happened? A minute ago, Dean had been so happy to be with Castiel and now... what? Castiel was so hurt and confused.

He knew tears were streaming down his face and Raphael, Zachariah, and Uriel were all staring at him.

"Don't worry, homo," Zachariah was saying. "We know he was lying. We'll make sure the whole school knows, too. Don't worry."

Raphael and Uriel nodded behind him and the three walked out of the bathroom, Castiel staring wordlessly.

Castiel couldn't believe he'd been so stupidly happy these last few days. He didn't even have a razor to cut himself with. He had naively thought he wouldn't need it anymore. He should've known that good things never happen to him.

He couldn't force himself to buck up and go to class for the rest of the day and he didn't want someone to walk into the bathroom and find him broken on the floor. He didn't know what to do.

His eyes fell onto a locked supply closet in the corner of the bathroom. He pulled a paperclip out of his binder and picked the lock, something Gabriel had taught him. He squeezed inside and crumpled to the floor. He wrapped his arms around himself in the dark and just curled up there silently. Maybe it was good that he wasn't cutting right now, but it didn't feel good. He didn't feel good. He wanted to die. But he honestly just didn't have the energy.


A few hours later he felt his phone vibrating. It was a text from Gabe.

"Cas? Sam and I can't find you or your idiot boyfriend. Or his idiot car for that matter. If you two lovebirds ditched us, I'm gonna kick your asses."

Castiel didn't respond.

A minute later, his brother texted again.

"Casssssssss where are youuuuuuuu? I don't like being stranded at school. It's humiliating."

Castiel didn't respond.

Then Sam texted him.

"Hey, Cas, Dean's not answering his phone. Where are you guys?"

Castiel didn't respond.

A couple minutes later, Gabriel called him.

Castiel didn't answer.

He called again.

Castiel didn't answer.

Then Sam called.

Castiel felt kind of bad this time, but he still didn't answer.

Then came another text from Gabe.

"Ok Sammy and I are getting worried. You guys okay, bro?"

Sam texted again too.

"Cas, neither you or Dean are picking up or answering. And you guys wouldn't just ditch us. What's going on?"

He got another text from Gabe.

"Great, now Anna's worried too. Pick up your goddamn phone please, we're worried."

This time, Anna called him.

Castiel answered.

"Hello?" he breathed.

"Cas!" Anna gasped. Castiel heard mumbling in the background. "What's going on? Where are you?"

"I'm in the bathroom."

"Where's Dean?"

"Not in the bathroom."

Castiel heard shuffling on the other end and the Gabriel was talking.

"What happened?" Gabriel demanded.

"I don't want to talk about it, Gabe," Castiel sighed.

"What did that asshole do to you?" Gabriel asked angrily.

Castiel didn't know how to respond so he didn't.

Now Sam was talking. "Cas, what did my idiot brother do?"

Castiel sniffed.

"Okay, Cas, what bathroom are you in?" Gabriel asked, his voice softer.

"The one in the art hallway," Castiel whispered.

"We'll be right there," Gabe said, then he hung up.

Castiel sighed and threw his phone on the floor.

Then he waited.


A few minutes later, he heard scuffling in the bathroom on the other side of his supply closet door.

"Anna, why are you in here?"

"Well I didn't want to wait outside like a moron. He's my brother too!"

"This is a GUY'S bathroom, doofus."

"Do I look like I care?"

"Cas? He's not here, guys..."

"Check the closet."

"Gabe, I don't think he's in the -" Sam stopped short as he opened the closet to find Castiel's face blinking up at him. "Found him."

Gabriel and Anna rushed over. Anna plopped down on the floor next to Castiel, Gabriel following suit. It didn't take long for Sam to join the party as well.

The four sat in silence for a minute before Gabriel said, "So, do I have to murder him, or what?"

Sam shot Gabriel a look.

"Okay, there will be no murdering," Sam assured. "But seriously, Cas, what happened? What did Dean do?"

Anna reached over and took Cas's hand in hers, stroking her thumb along the back of his hand. He smiled at her, then took a deep breath. "After the whole principal office thing, we decided to skip class and come here."

Gabe and Anna looked confused. "What principal office thing?" Gabe asked.

Sam winced. "Long story. Cliffnotes: Lilith and her bitch gang were being, well, bitchy, and I came over to try to help and some things were said and we all ended up in the principal's office where Lilith got two week's detention for bullying and I got a week for profanity in the cafeteria."

"Profanity in the cafeteria? Really?" Gabe smirked.

"Shut up. Ruby said it was hot."

Anna rolled her eyes. "So," she turned to Castiel. "You were skipping in the bathroom..."

"Yeah," Castiel continued. "Then we started kissing... and stuff... then Raphael, Zachariah, and Uriel walked in."

"Uh oh," Sam said, sensing where this was going.

Castiel felt tears springing into his eyes. "Dean shoved me and started yelling about how he wasn't gay and I was coming onto him and then... then he just left."

Anna's face crumpled and she leaned in to hug Castiel. Sam looked deeply troubled and Gabriel looked downright murderous.

"When I get my hands around that slimy bastard's neck, I SWEAR -"

"Gabe!" Anna chastised. "Not helping."

Sam sighed. "I'm really sorry, Cas. Dean doesn't know how to deal with things. I know he cares about you, he just really fucking sucks at acting like it. I'm so sorry, Cas." Sam looked incredibly guilty.

"Dean's just a big fat dick," Gabriel summarized. Sam shrugged and nodded.

Anna squeezed Castiel's hands and stood up. "Come on, guys. We'd better get walking back to the Winchesters'. Since that's where we all live. Maybe that's where Dean is, too."

Castiel nodded. "Yeah, you're right." He stood up too, quickly followed by Gabriel and Sam.

Anna and Gabriel headed out of the bathroom. Castiel started to follow them, but Sam grabbed his arm.

"Cas," Sam muttered. "You didn't cut or anything, did you?"

Sam was looking at him with such earnest concern that Castiel actually felt proud when he was able to roll up his sleeves and assure Sam that he hadn't hurt himself. Sam's eyes shined with pride as he put his arm around Castiel's shoulder and led him out of the bathroom.


After the walk to the Winchester house, Castiel was feeling a little bit better. His siblings and Sam were doing a good job trying to take his mind off of things.

When the house came into view, they noted the Impala in the driveway, but no one said anything about it.

Michael and John weren't expected to be home until this evening, as they were out house-hunting. If all went well, the Novaks should be able to move out tomorrow after school.

When they walked through the front door, Castiel and Gabriel started to walk toward their temporary room, Anna trailing behind Sam up the stairs to her current living area.

"Dean?" Sam called. He didn't get a response.

Gabriel shrugged and he led Castiel to drop their stuff off in John's room. When they went back out toward the kitchen in search of some food, they heard Sam clamoring down the stairs.

Sam rushed into the kitchen with a pained expression on his face. He was holding a piece of paper.

Castiel and Gabriel looked curiously at the paper and Sam.

"Everything okay, there, Sasquatch?" Gabriel asked.

Sam just wordlessly handed the paper to Castiel. Castiel's breath caught as he started reading.


I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say, man. I fucked this shit up so bad. And I'm so fucking sorry. I'm such a dick. The biggest dick in the history of dicks, really. I'm a really fucking big dick. I am so sorry.

Just, Cas, I don't think this is working. Us. I really like you. I mean, I REALLY like you. You're the best friend I've ever had and I care about you so much, but... I can't handle this. Everything. You. Me. Us. Everything that's going on in our lives...

I'm so sorry. You must think I'm such a dick. And I am. I really am. But it's just not working for me and I'm sorry. I can't be with you. And I think right now we can't really be friends either. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to hang low for a bit until you Novaks get settled into your new place. And I truly hope things keep going okay with you. Let Michael take care of you and try not to get too annoyed with Gabe, because even though he's a dick, I know he means well. And take care of Anna. Just, you Novaks all take care of each other, alright?

Again, I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry I did this to you. It's all my fault. And I'm just really fucking sorry.

Please get better.


Castiel finished reading and he crumpled up the note, threw it to the ground, and walked out the back door.

He could hear voiced behind him but he didn't care. He just wanted to walk away.

He realized he didn't really have anywhere to go, so he just kind of sat down in the middle of the Winchesters' backyard and stared at the sky, wishing desperately that he could fly away.

A/N: I promise this story will have a happy ending, guys! Just not yet :P thanks for reading and please don't hesitate to comment and tell me your thoughts :)

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